SZA’s ‘CTRL’ and young adulthood

With my 21st birthday being only a month away, I’ve been contemplating what it means to be an adult and to grow up. I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing, but what brings me comfort during these trying times is the fact that almost everyone else my age is in the same boat.

When I think of an album that brings me that same kind of comfort, one of the first ones that pop into my head is SZA’s “CTRL.”

On June 9, 2017, SZA released her debut album “CTRL” with Top Dawg Entertainment. Featuring 14 tracks and five singles, “CTRL” has managed to remain one of the most beloved and culturally relevant R&B albums more than eight years after its release.

Containing a mix of hot-girl bangers, seductive slow jams and heartfelt admissions, “CTRL” captures all of the trials and tribulations of being a young adult.

A huge theme across much of SZA’s discography is insecurity, and on this album, she had no qualms about getting into the ugliness of it. She frequently mentions her doubts about dating and intimate relationships, and that is perfectly captured in the fourth track on the album, “Drew Barrymore.”

This song explains SZA’s insecurities without any clever imagery or metaphors to cushion the blow. It’s unapologetically raw, and that’s part of what makes it so special.

The first verse opens with her proclaiming how she’s jealous of the woman her partner is friends with. Despite acknowledging her worth, SZA goes down the list of things she’s self conscious about — her demeanor, her looks and even the fact that she’s not the woman her man was previously with.

The desire to be the perfect person for someone you care about is a feeling that plagues many. While everyone has insecurities, self-consciousness and feelings of inadequacy are often associated with youth and immaturity — an indication that we have yet to grow into ourselves. SZA personifies that feeling with dead accuracy on “Drew Barrymore.”

Falling in line with the theme of insecurity and inadequacy, it’s not unusual for people to lower their expectations for dating out of fear of loneliness or rejection from others.

It’s easy to settle with one person when they give you all the attention you crave, even if the situation as a whole isn’t the most healthy. SZA touches on this feeling perfectly with “The Weekend.”

I’ve heard quite a few people accuse SZA of making “side-hoe anthems,” and this song certainly does not help her beat the allegations. In “The Weekend,” she describes sharing a man with multiple other women, keeping him occupied a few days out of the week rather than having him around the clock.

SZA describes yearning for a man she knows she could never fully have. Each time he comes around, she accepts him with open arms and happily takes the place of other women whenever it's “her turn” to have him.

Despite the situationship not being all that sustainable or fulfilling, she uses their meetups to cope with the fact that the relationship she’s in isn’t the one she desires — that she’d rather settle than be alone.

Both “Drew Barrymore” and “The Weekend” place emphasis on how feelings of inadequacy can lead to a tanking self-image and issues within the dating scene during your formative adult years.  Rarely, however, do I hear artists express the insecurity and anxiety about getting older.

Part of growing up is being unsure of the direction you want to take going forward. Navigating your life and how you fit into everyone else’s can be a suffocating and isolating experience. Even though it's just the beginning of life, it often feels like the entire world is crumbling down. Add on the weight of unstable relationships, little real-world experience and an ever-changing sense of self, and suddenly growing up carries an insurmountable pressure.  

“20 Something,” the last track on the album, beautifully describes  the uncertainty and fear of stepping into young adulthood. While the rest of the album has a low drone, trap-soul inspired sound, this track deviates from that by featuring a solo, acoustic guitar instrumental.

Despite carrying a softer tune, the lyrics manage to be the most gut-wrenching on the entire project. On “20 Something,” SZA talks about her dissolving relationships — both platonic and romantic — and the accompanying loneliness. She describes feeling aimless and unsure, praying that the future grants her mercy through her journey as a 20-something-year-old.

This is juxtaposed with the air of optimism that the instrumental provides, gives the song a melancholic feel that has you dreading the future and wishing for your childhood to come back. It’s by far my favorite song on the album and definitely one of the most underrated.

As a society, we tend to associate youth with bad decisions and impulsivity while simultaneously forgetting all the factors that lead us down that path in the first place.

SZA’s “CTRL” provides not just context, but sympathy toward those factors, highlighting the ugliness that comes with navigating love, sex and life in your early 20s.