Sex and the Seawolf: Take it slow

When people think of relationships, they think of all the good and bad that come from them — the good being the availability of someone who is there for you, to handle your needs and to perhaps give you a good massage for times you’re stressed, and the bad being the hurt you could give yourself in the long run, the jealousy that could possibly arise and simply falling out of love.

For people that are looking to start a relationship through dating scene, it’s a bit difficult for those inexperienced, like myself.

I met a guy once through Facebook. He was a sweetheart, and we started texting. I had never spoken to someone as gentlemanly and cheesy as him. Usually, I’m very intolerant of such speech, but gosh darn it, he was too cute — I had to ask him out to lunch. He said yes and we met later in the week.

We hit it off on our first date, and he had asked to go on a second. It made me feel excited to know he felt the same way as I did. Two weeks passed, and we went on a few more dates, but I wasn’t very wise in the relationship.

We kind of took it too quickly and had a huge misunderstanding on what we both wanted. It turns out that we wanted the same things in the relationship, but each of us conveyed what we wanted with different signals that were confusing for the other. It ended with him breaking it off with me, and I sat in my room saddened for the next week.

But of course, you always have to get up, face rejection and move on.

In that relationship, I discovered how I can avoid making huge mistakes when dating in the future. My advice can be summed up in three points.

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First things first: Never, under any circumstances, take it too quick — whatever that may be for you or the other person. Many things could be included in the terms of quick action on the first few dates. Sex could be considered one of the bigger issues for some people, seeing it as a casual statement of intimacy, while others consider it to be something to be gained of an individual. And if you push too far to reach for it, you could scare an individual off.

Second: Try not to bring up past relationships, no matter how many you’ve had. It sends a bad message that you could be carrying some sort of baggage. The other person could start wondering things like, “Why did they break up?” or “Is he or she new at this?” By avoiding discussion about past relationships, better conversations will arise, such as those about one’s self, hobbies and favorite foods.

Third: Just be yourself. And with this, don’t get too worked up about rejection. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then you shouldn’t be spending your time on him or her. Of course, you should avoid going over the top with revealing certain things; you instead want to ease into their interest zone and snap the trap with your charm.