Sex and the Seawolf: One act, two settings

So you’ve had regular intercourse and feel bored with it. You now feel like you’re ready for bigger and better, shall I say, “achievements.” I will touch on two “kinky achievements” various couples attempt to perform.

Now, before you try to attain such “achievements,” make sure you consult your significant other about if they’re comfortable with performing such acts. If you do not have a significant other, then let your “friend with benefits” know and ask the same thing.

The two styles of “kinky achievements” I will cover are automobile intercourse and shower sex. Before you continue reading, I must inform you that I am only writing this to provide a brief insight on the troubles and mishaps associated with such acts, as well as the potential awkward or funny scenarios that go along with them.

Let’s first start off with automobile intercourse, better known as car sex. You’ve probably thought about doing it once or twice — and if you’re that much into it, perhaps twenty times. Car sex is defined as any sexual act performed within a vehicle. And, no, car sex would probably not be car sex if it was on top of the car, at least I think so.

One term that’s very closely associated to car sex is “road head.” Road head is the act of oral sex by one partner to another who is driving. I personally suggest not to perform this act since it could cause accidents closely related to texting while driving. You do not want to be caught by a cop crashing your car due to road head. It would just be an awkward confrontation.  Usually the partner who is giving the oral is seated in the passenger’s seat — an instance in which the driver does it to the passenger would just end up horribly wrong.

I suggest that if you commit to any sexual act, you should park your vehicle.

You should always remember three things when “achieving” in the car. First, utilize the car handles. Somehow it just adds tension to the moment. Second, make sure you cover your seats if they are not a leather-like material, as things will stain. Better yet, just always cover your seats. And third, make sure you turn your lights off. The last thing you’d want is someone coming to your window wondering if someone is being attacked.

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Next is the fantasy we all have probably had when we do this daily activity: shower sex.

Everything just seems to scream “sex” when you think inside of the shower. It just feels right. The water is hot. Everything is steaming. You might have some sort of music you listen to on your alone time. I listen to Adele. Why resist it, right?

Well, here are some helpful tips to not slip and fall during the intimate act. Make sure you don’t waste shampoo. Shampoo should be used to lather the body or the scalp. If it goes to waste on the shower floor, it becomes an accident waiting to happen. The same goes for soap, unless of course it is an intention for you to drop the soap — cue laughter.

There are many blunt surfaces you probably could hit your head or certain body parts on, such as the faucet head, shower head, loofa handle and the floor itself. Be mindful of these things so you don’t get hurt.

A benefit of the shower is the many tools you can use for pleasing your partner. The way you use them should be explored since every individual is different. One handy tool that I consider useful is the detachable shower head with settings. Just think about it, you could point the head in any direction you want. You can let the water flow as much as you want. Just make sure you don’t fire water bullets at your partner.

Those are just two basic sexual acts you can perform in the common locations of daily life. Probably after experimenting thoroughly with shower sex and car sex, you can upgrade to bathroom floor sex and kitchen sex — but that is another topic for another time. One thing to always remember when having sex, though, is to always wear a condom.

Now go off and “achieve” safely.