Sex and the Seawolf: How to overcome ‘trust issues’

Trust is one of the basic foundations for having a strong connection with a partner. Trust is a valued act between two people, and once that trust is broken we begin to question whether we should place the same trust in that person as we did before.

Many people would like to think that they can truly restore trust in a person who has broken it, but that person’s wrongs almost always become a gnawing thought in the back of your mind: Could he or she could possibly break it again?

Trust is slow to build and easy to break. But here are some tips for becoming a person of second chances or being more understanding of the mistake made. It might be obvious that your trust may not ever be the same again, but you can always try.

I always give every person I meet the benefit of the doubt. It is generally how I’ve come to be so understanding of people’s mistakes. When trusting a person who won’t do you harm, an expectation is often created that paints them as perfect human beings.

Truthfully, your partner is imperfect. He or she may attract other people, as well. That’s just how it is. But being in an agreed monogamous relationship implicitly means that partners will not see other men or women.

Don’t get into a relationship if you already have doubts. That will put you on an emotional rollercoaster and could possibly result in one or both people involved developing trust issues in future relationships. To be exclusive to someone implies trust, unless you weren’t serious about it in the first place. Having doubts in the beginning makes it that much more difficult to make it work.

Try not to be too skeptical. Don’t take assumptions made from things that seem a little sketchy as fact. But don’t let things pass by you unnoticed, of course. Take those thoughts into account, but don’t let too much skepticism lead you to aggressive, uncomfortable behavior.

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Never look through a partner’s phone, Facebook, MSN, Skype and other messaging service histories for the purpose of digging up dirt. You most likely wouldn’t feel comfortable if your partner looked through your messages without your permission, even if you had no incriminating exchanges. Your partner deserves the same respect.

The second reason is that if you did find something incriminating, you are then lead down a quick spiral of skepticism, leading you to want more information. If you did end up truly believing that they have broken your trust, then confront them and ask to be shown their messages, rather than becoming a snoop of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s social media.

Skeptical attitudes are difficult to hold back, but it can lead you to many outrageous fictional accusations. It can also lead you to performing acts that are looked down upon, like breaking the windows of someone’s car.

When questionable behavior can’t be rationalized any longer, it is best to calmly talk your problems out with him or her.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend ends up being the scum that he or she promised you not to be, make him or her feel terrible only in the most calm and level headed demeanor. Guilt tripping is a great payback when presented in an informal manner.

But if you do have a relationship with a shaky past and are willing to build broken trust again, don’t be afraid to give it that second chance. But remember, second chances only come once.

Place that second wind of trust on someone after evaluating every possible reason why you should and what benefit would come from it. If the answers aren’t reasonable, it’s best to let it go.