Lesbian or bored?

Dear SAIG,

I've been involved in a relationship for five years. We decided last year that our relationship needed some spicing up, so recently we invited another woman into the bedroom. The problem is that I have been thinking about her sexually since. I can't get her out of my mind. I think I'm attracted to her, but does that mean I'm a lesbian or just bored with my boyfriend?

curiously confused

Dear curiously confused,

I am speechless.

Adding spice to your sex life is always a plus, but adding another individual always spells trouble. A committed relationship consists of two people, not three. If you needed another person in your relationship to spice it up, it was already over. You also haven't mentioned your feelings for the boyfriend, which tells me they probably don't exist anymore. You've closed that chapter in your life mentally without even knowing it. Be honest and tell him how you feel.

Only you can answer whether or not your fascination with this woman is genuine interest or a passing fancy. You said it yourself, your interest appears to be purely sexual. The fact that you think about her a lot doesn't mean that you have feelings for her, it merely says that you are intrigued. Does that make you a lesbian? I'm not sure. I would say no if you still have the desire to have long-term relationships with men. On the other hand, if you had a desire to be with a woman before this, you may well be. The fact that you were willing to be with a woman in the first place leaves room for pause.

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My suggestion is that you abstain from further sexual contact with her or anyone else until you figure out what your preference is. Sexual intercourse and relationships complicate the self-analysis process. You need time to think about what you want and who you really are.

Seek council from a spiritual leader, friend, family member or a support group. You might try talking to with the "Family."

'Til next week be safe.