Sex & the Seawolf: Good Vibrations

Did you know that the vibrator was originally an “aiding device” introduced in the late 1800’s as a faster and easier method for medical physicians to cure women they diagnosed as having “hysteria paroxysm”? Apparently, their calculated equation to a happy home (marriage) in terms of the bedroom involved the following: man’s penis + woman’s vajayjay = man’s orgasm. Note the singular “happy ending” product? No wonder women were being diagnosed as hysterical!

Although this diagnosis is no longer recognized by the medical field and was typically only used on married women, widows or nuns, it nonetheless opened the door to a whole mess of societal assumptions in regards to female sexuality.

As usual, many of my column topics are sparked by conversations I have with either family, coworkers or girlfriends, and usually in one way or another sex becomes a main focus—and no, we are not sex-crazed maniacs. But sex is (and should be), for the most part, a significant part of our daily (at the least weekly) lives. However, this particular discussion involved a peculiar topic with one of my girlfriends—the vibrator.

Many women that I know and/or am associated with do not tend to talk about using one, or at the very least even owning one. This has always struck me as very odd: why would one rather admit to sleeping with a less-than-ideal sexual candidate rather than using a plastic toy resembling the real thing? I know they can be intimidating, but WHERE did this stigmatism surrounding the vibrator come from?
Personally, I do not see any shame in owning or using one. The benefits to me appear to outweigh any issues one might have (if used correctly):

• It can be used by a single person or with a partner

• It can give you the same pleasures as the “real thing” without all the mess of worrying about possibly contracting anything and/or passing anything along (most can be washed in a dishwasher, so don’t be lazy folks!)

• It is a wonderful “beginner” tool that can help a person figure out just what exactly it is they want from their partner in bed and how to possibly get it. Think of it as an “exploratory” tool

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I believe everyone should be aware of their body: how it operates, what touches feel better than others and what exactly it is that pleases them. As the cliché goes—no one is the same as another! And while I understand that the bedroom and events that may take place there are for the most part labeled as being “private,” I still tend to come back to the same question: if you can’t bring yourself to discuss anything relating to sex (even to your therapist if you have one), how can you securely and confidently ask for the things YOU want in the real act?

This article is not an advertisement advocating everyone to go out and buy a vibrator—think of it more as an awareness message stimulating you to think about what it is you already know about yourself and what you want in the future. Sex should be fun…for both of you!