Well, the democratic debates sure were fun to watch.
This is the thing with you democratic societies, isn’t it? I keep forgetting that it’s not as easy to elect a chosen leader for a certain amount of time when you’re used to having a gigantic Slug Queen ordering the workers around for eternity. The United Republic of the Milky Way was a fun experiment for a bit, but let’s face it, once our Empire entered the picture, that experiment was all but over. Ruler and subjects. It can be done well.
But noooo, you Americans wanted a free society where every citizen could decide their own fate, and yet you treat your important political debates more like entertainment rather than serious discussion. You can’t have your political cake and eat it too, folks! You wanted a fair, democratic system, so now you have to feed it, give it water, and care for it as it grows up. You can’t just sit on your phone and joke about that guy in the audience who looked exactly like Albus Dumbledore, or else that democratic system will end up malnourished, and the big bad guys at the Slug Empire civilization pound will come and take it away and put it down.
You need to stop treating political debates like TMZ covers Miley Cyrus’s latest wacky misadventures. That’s actually part of the reason why the Democratic debates kind of surprised me — partly.
Earlier this year, my host and I tuned in to the Republican debates, and I wasn’t impressed. It was more about feces-slinging and ego-boosting than it was about actual politics. There was no agreement. There was no actual debate. It was just a bunch of men and women talking trash about the other candidates, while inflating their own ego.
The Democratic debates last Tuesday were, thankfully, nothing like this. Candidates agreed and disagreed and actually discussed a lot of important things. It was a far better debate than what the Republicans could muster, if only because the Republican debate wasn’t actually a debate.
What we saw wasn’t really as confrontational, which is good. It still did have its issues, though. The frontrunner in our eyes, Bernie Sanders, kept bringing things back to the issue of income inequality. That’s not a bad thing, as many important issues in America tie into it. But Bernie does have to deal with an Congress that has blocked almost everything that your current president has tried to achieve.
It infuriates me to see a government fail to address the concerns of its citizens. That’s what makes the Slug Empire so awesome in my eyes — for as much enslavement and hostility as we present to other planets and civilizations, we at least treat the people we enslave well. We do it with a brutal efficiency that America’s Congress really lacks. It’s not just corrupt campaign contributions, either; gerrymandering — the concept that congressmen and women can redraw the very districts that elect them — is a pretty ludicrously broken system when it comes to a democracy. If you’re going to cheat the system to try and get reelected, you should at least be like the Empire and not be subtle about it.
That has to come before anything that Bernie promised at the debate and at his rallies, or else those things won’t get done. Our current president rode a similar wave during his own campaign to the one that Bernie’s riding now, and he learned the hard way that unless Congress is riding with him, that wave is going to come to a halting crash. Bernie talks big about rebalancing the nation’s economy, but unless he can get Congress to stand with him, I’d say his chances of actually doing so are quite slim.
Don’t get me wrong. I admire the man for what he’s trying to do, and I guess having him in the Oval Office is a far better alternative to Donald Trump, whose xenophobia baffles me as a slug. You don’t win over voters by threatening them with deportation, you win them over by treating them with some respect. Seriously, Trump. Take some tips from the Empire.
Understand me, however, when I say that fighting the top one percent will be a lot harder without a strong Congress at Bernie’s side.
Of course, were I president, I’d instill a mandatory hive-mind mentality so that we could all think and act as one. Since you really wanted a democracy, though, it’s probably not gonna happen.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. EMBRACE THE SEAWOLF SLUG.