Abuse can be delivered in more than one form. There is physical abuse and mental abuse. These can occur when someone is under the influence or completely sober. Both men and women can deliver this. It can be dealt by a friend, a family member or a lover. But no matter the situation, it is NEVER right.
Unfortunately I am a friend to someone I would like to say isn’t abused but I’d be lying to myself just as she is lying to herself.
She has hit all of my previously stated triggers. He is mentally abusive, more abusive intoxicated and most recently has become physically abusive.
He tells her she is “dumb,” “stupid,” “fat,” and “ugly.” In my eyes, my beautiful friend, however difficult she may be, is none of the above. These are the mild- “G rated” devaluing names he calls her. More times then ever these hurtful words come while he is in a state of inebriation. Which happens to be on regular basis.
More than one of our nights together has ended in tears, shame and embarrassment for her.
We have been over what is a rather repetitive conversation multiple times.
“Why do you let him treat you this way?”
“I just love him,” She simply responds as she wipes the tears and running eyeliner off her porcelain-like skin.
My answer, which seems so cliché now, was the only thing I could think to say.
“No matter how much you love someone, you don’t deserve to be treated like you are less than perfect.”
Perfect, an impossible thing for any human being my Webster definition, is quite opposite from what I believe it really means.
It is my strong opinion that a person who graciously accepts his or hers imperfections for what they are, is more beautiful than a person who try’s to deny such imperfections. Imperfections are what make us human and those who truly love someone will also accept those imperfections with grace.
But how can we accept someone else to love our quirks if we cannot accept our own? This is love 101.
It seems so simple but for many people like my dear friend, it is one of the highest hurdles you will ever have to jump.
Since then, he has hit her square in the mouth because she was talking with another man at the bar.
This is the typical downfall in a relationship. The abuse starts verbal, and then before you know it you are getting a backhand in the rain on Fifth Avenue.
At first when I would talk to her about the situation she would respond with answers like, “He’s just drunk,” or “he would never truly hurt me.” These problems, even though they seem so minute now can harm your self-esteem, your trust and much more for the rest of your life, but until you feel the repercussions you won’t truly understand.
This is a concept I have come to understand, thanks to repercussions of my past, and I am learning to deal with them each and every day but some days are harder than others, an experience I hope she nor anyone else are ever forced to deal with but unfortunately the time is probably too late for my friend.
As her friend this situation puts me in a hard spot. I know woe is me.
But how many times can we have the same conversation before I give up?
I know I want to, I am just wasting my breath or that’s how it feels. But one of these days I hope she opens her ears to my words and listens.
If it is fear of being alone that scares her she has nothing to worry about. Her relationship with her current boyfriend will make her feel more alone than wearing a title that says single.