Coming from a gender that has spent generations upon generations writing poetry, novels and even entire sitcoms around being single, with the quirky heroine relentlessly waiting for her “one true love,” I find it odd that many of my fellow females (and I myself on occasion) would rather continue wallowing in our own single-pity party rather than acknowledge the “good guy” standing in front of us as a potential partner.
Sparked by a recent conversation with a girlfriend of mine, I thought I would contemplate the reasoning behind exactly why we do this.
My friend is an incredibly outgoing, fun-loving individual who seems to associate with the “Samantha” mindset when it comes to dating. She doesn’t fall into relationships often, if at all, but when she does she falls hard.
Coming off a long-term relationship that ended in more or less bad terms, she hasn’t been able to find another partner to spark her attention enough to be in a relationship with, although she continuously states (like the majority of females in our friend group) how she would like to have a boyfriend again.
However, a potential has recently fallen into her lap, so to speak.
He is sweet, kind, treats her like a queen from what I have heard, appears to have a good head on his shoulders and looks exactly like Vinnie from Jersey Shore, and come on ladies, you know he would be the ONLY dateable one from that show—I mean he balled like a baby when his mother surprised him at his homecoming party!
The reason my friend is hesitant to begin a potentially life-long partnership of bliss? He immediately wanted to make her his girlfriend after only a few dates—red flag. But why?
We cry extensively about wanting to find the “right guy,” when in reality he may literally (or figuratively) be standing toe-to-toe with us. I admit I have also on more than one occasion dismissed a male counterpart due to realistically petty imperfections.
Thinking more about the subject and in correlation to discussions I had with friends, I formulated a pattern we tend to follow when dating: you meet guy, go out to dinner with said guy, feelings for guy begin to form and then you start to nitpick at guy until you find him revolting and/or unworthy. Maybe it’s because he has longer fingernails than a man should, maybe it’s because he has poor table manners… Or maybe it’s because we think we could do better?
Darwin wasn’t far off with his theory of natural selection—we’re typically attracted to the finest qualities in the opposite sex. But so what? Do the long fingernails or poor table manners (okay, I cannot handle that one, it’s not rocket science—napkin in lap, elbows off table, fork does not equal shovel…) matter so much that we are willing to pass over a potentially decent dude for the sake of saving face amid friends in the future?
The answer is—I don’t know. The dating patterns of human beings have been studied for ages and one relatively undereducated-on-the-subject journalist is not going to solve this Rubix Cube of a question. The only solution I can give is this: don’t automatically dismiss someone based on one or two minor traits you deem “unattractive.” Most of us are nervous initially and others take time to fully hit their prime comfortability level, so the best thing you can do? Give that person a chance—you just might find yourself actually liking them! And if not, at least you tried, right?