Reinventing yourself, part 1

Hello ladies. This is going to be the first in a five part series on reinventing yourself. In this series, I will discuss what reinvention is and why it happens; education or a job; fashion and the new you; men and finding your inner happiness.

Reinvention comes from not liking what you are doing with your life, not liking what you have become or where you are going or from simply wanting to expand your horizons. Some of you have already done this; others have thought about it, and some of you are doing it now.           

This transformation usually comes when we hit a crossroad. The crossroad could come in the form of a divorce, experiencing a break-up, aging, children, weight loss or a change in employment status. This time of renewal is different for everyone. It is a natural progression in a woman's life, but it can be very alarming and difficult if you don't know it is occurring.

Renewal cannot be rushed. It takes time and patience, because you are discovering who it is you want to be. Not only that, but you are also making decisions that will effect the rest of your life. The important things to know are that you are not alone and that this is a decision that you make only for yourself.

I only write about this because there is a need. I have talked to other women who thought they were alone in this mind-blowing event. They weren't. I have also gone through it.

My transformation started seven years ago, due to a series of difficult things that occurred in my life. It all started with my first child. I was a party girl. However, I found that that type of life style wasn't conducive to being a good parent, especially when you are a single parent. Sitters are expensive. My daughter and her well being became my priority. I wanted to be a good role model. So partying four nights a week every week ended.

Then I evolved again. This time I underwent a divorce, another child, turning 30, no job, a new marriage and another baby. That transformation happened all within 18 months. Talk about your whirl-winds; my life had been hit by a hurricane, a tornado and a few earthquakes. Even though my life was a living hell through most of this time, it taught me a lot about myself and helped me to evolve into who I am today.

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The problem was I didn't know who I was as a person, so I was just going through the motions. I wanted something, but didn't know what. I wanted a complete make over, inside and out. I was tired of being a loser magnet and I was tired of my own self loathing. I was miserable, resentful and just angry. I was miserable because I didn't like anything about me. I was resentful because I didn't have a job and had to depend on a man. Then I was angry because I had no clue of what I wanted to do with my life.

Don't get me wrong; I have a wonderful home life, but that was not enough. I needed to fulfill my dreams – dreams that I let get away by making stupid mistakes. My transformation took five long, agonizing years.

In those years, I learned that I am a wonderful woman who is not defined by the way she looks or by what others think of her. I am a woman who is not afraid to say what is on my mind. I became a woman who can look at both sides of an issue. I found that I can be wrong, and others do have opinions that matter. I want to help my fellow man in any way I can. I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to measure up to anybody but Vette. Most of all, I am not afraid to be who I am and if that isn't good enough for you, too bad.

There is one other thing that I learned that might help many of you. It goes something like this: Don't let your fear of the situation stop you from doing what you want in life. Remember, in any given situation, there are only two real answers: yes and no. If the answer is yes, be happy and thankful. If it is no, don't take it personal and it is not the end of the world.

In the words of Aunt Mame (one of my favorite classic movies) “Live, live, live.”

`Til next week, be safe.