If there’s anything we at the Slug Empire love, it’s a good history lesson. Part of the reason our Empire is as successful as it is is because we, as brain slugs, learn the lessons from mistakes that our enslaved civilizations made. We never make the same mistakes that countless other civilizations make, and you’d be surprised at just how many civilizations have made the same kinds of mistakes.
This week, I’m going to give you readers a history lesson. It’s the story of another galactic empire that made many, many mistakes, but one of them stands out in our world today.
Long ago, back in our own Empire’s formative times, the Kysar Empire was the galactic vanguard of peace and reason. It was a new empire, and a strong one: one that formed when many smaller systems united under one flag. It was a turbulent time for this sector of the Milky Way; faster-than-light travel was just slowly becoming possible, and laser weapon technology had just reached its apex for the era.
With improved weapons and a new means of travel, the Kysar yearned for the furthest reaches of the stars. The rulers of this empire believed, with this advanced tech in hand, that this new frontier was their birthright — their manifest destiny. Although it promised prosperity to those whom it conquered, it tore much of the galaxy asunder. While it lay waste to smaller systems, the other governments of the galaxy were confident that their reign would blow over eventually. They ignored the thousands of pleas for help and refuge, believing that their systems had no place in this massive bloodshed.
This gave the Kysar more fuel for their propaganda machine; the less likely another government would take those refugees in, the more likely they would enlist and help the Kysar conquer those governments. This worked at first, when the promise of Kysar vengeance was still sweet and palpable.
Soon, though, the Kysar’s lust for conquest took its toll. In its blind efforts to claim the Milky Way as its own, it had ignored those who suffered under Kysar rule. Riots and rebellions plagued the empire, from its newly-exploited outskirts to its very center. Rather than come up with a logical plan to pacify these rebels, like any other person in the galaxy would have done, the Kysar went with a far messier final solution.
Millions of voices were silenced. As the other civilizations of the galaxy tried to look the other way, the Kysar purged an indescribable number of its own people. With their new weapons, thousands of lush planets were rendered barren.
This newly-destructive, continually-expanding empire could no longer be ignored. The other galactic civilizations finally went to war. Many of the galaxy’s greatest federations and republics went down in a suicidal blaze in an effort to bring the Kysar’s bloody crusade to an end.
The Kysar Empire was finally brought down, but at great cost. Many innocent deaths could have been prevented had the civilians in the conflict been given safe refuge, but it was not to be. Without a civilization to lend them some hospitality, they were doomed to perish.
I hope it’s pretty clear what this history lesson is alluding to. Many rulers here on this planet are making the same mistake. Millions of people here on Earth need a safe place to run to when their government turns on them. Yet, many here in this very state believe that Alaska is no place for these people.
America is the land of immigrants. The founding fathers came here to flee a brutal monarchy. Many of your “American” ancestors came from civilizations who could not provide for them. The number of innocent people who have died in humanity’s wars is unacceptable, even today.
Even the Slug Empire understands this. We take that Kysar history lesson to heart. When people need refuge, we offer it to them. Naturally, it’s a little off-putting, with us being brainwashing slugs and all, but it’s better than what you guys are doing. For as brutal as we are in overthrowing and enslaving people, we at least do our best to keep them safe from harm. We have that decency. It’s about time that the countries of Earth do the same.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. EMBRACE THE SEAWOLF SLUG.