Nicholas Cage strikes out

Hell hath no fury like Nicholas Cage in “Drive Angry 3D.” Unfortunately, even the special effects and big names couldn’t save this horrendous movie.

Milton (Cage “Season of the Witch”) escapes from Hell to find the devil-worshippers who killed his daughter, and who have kidnapped his granddaughter for use in a ritual. He finds blond hottie Piper (Amber Heard “The Ward”) and joins forces with her to track them down.

Not that the movie really had much of a chance; one of the writers and the director of the “My Bloody Valentine” remake in 2009 wrote the script. That’s warning number one of a questionable movie.

Warning number two is the fact that Cage is the star, and while he may do well acting in some movies, his bad roles are frustrating enough for moviegoers to question each acting decision he makes. Cage is bland in “Drive Angry;” he relies chiefly on one-liners (as usual,) and he once again portrays a “type” character – a character as dry and irritating as he is.

The third warning that “Drive Angry” is terrible is the blatantly advertised use of 3D effects in the movie’s title. Movies that do this typically overuse the effect, and “Drive Angry 3D” is no exception. Either the effects are so minuscule that the audience doesn’t notice, or so in-your-face that it looks cheesy. “My Bloody Valentine,” that terrible remake written in part by the same people, is exactly the same.

There are several other things about the movie that should tip-off potential moviegoers, (including the title itself; seriously? “Drive Angry?”), but for those who absolutely have to see it anyway, only the decent special effects make it worthwhile. There are exciting and fun explosions, tons of random bloodshed and a predictable amount of car chases; all of these are epic, fun and worth watching. But not in 3D – nowhere near worth watching in 3D.

In short, “Drive Angry 3D” is a terrible movie made by untalented writers with terrible acting and obnoxious 3D effects. It isn’t worth paying to see in 3D, 2D, DVD purchase or regular DVD rental. If you absolutely have to see this movie, rent it from Red Box.