Latrine Dean: SSB, Second Floor

With a mixture of departments, ranging from Psychology to IT Services, the Social Science Building tends to facilitate just that, being social.  While in the SSB you will find yourself at a juncture of many options to choose from.  There are options such as to study in the library down the hall, grab a latte from the Starbucks downstairs, or simply go to class in the SSB.  However, using the SSB restroom on the second-floor, immediately to your left from the stairs, should be the option at the top of your list.

I don’t believe in the concept of perfection, but this restroom makes a strong case for it.

Aesthetically, this restroom is a dream.  From the sensor on the hardware to the warm beige marble-like tiles that hug the room any complaints are hard to come by.  This restroom’s attributes give off the feeling of true quality when you them in for the first time.

The space alone in this restroom encourages you to indulge in taking your time.  However, though it may encourage a lengthy visit, it also encourages other visitors, and the foot traffic may cut some of the desire for a stay.

The bathroom stall walls have a type of diamond-imprinted design, with the aesthetic appeal of stainless steel.  I couldn’t help but imagine being in a rich star’s bathroom in their mansion, as seen on MTV’s “Cribs.”  I figure rich star would be able to afford something ridiculous like stainless steel stall walls for their mansion’s bathrooms, but then again, maybe just stall walls in general.  I digress.

Aesthetics earn a solid, two-thumbs up and five stars.  I have not sufficient words to properly describe the appearance of this restroom. See for yourself.

Earlier, I mentioned the capacity of foot traffic in this restroom, and it is true.  This restroom is highly trafficked in between classes.  I must admit that heavy foot traffic is detrimental to the privacy rating, but in the case of this restroom it is not enough to ruin the overall pleasant experience.

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Also, the stalls are sandwiched between two thick tiled walls.  If by chance you are using the end stall that uses the wall for privacy you will experience a feeling of shelter.  It would take a trebuchet for that wall to come down.

Privacy earns four stars.

“Standard UAA-issue Toilet Paper,” as Correspondent Kellie calls it, was once again the story this week for this restroom.  If we were to turn up the thermostat to increase the degrees of softness in our campus’s toilet paper we would probably see a huge difference in everyone’s studies for the better.  We wouldn’t need to turn the thermostat up to full blast, either.  I don’t like my bedroom to be a 110-degree hot yoga room, just as I don’t like my toilet paper to be cashmere.

Needless to say, I’m cold for the Standard UAA-issue, and we need to work towards finding a comfortable balance between these two extremes of rough and soft.  Toilet Paper earns its usual three stars.

“The restroom is a welcoming reprieve from the banal design of SSB,” reported Correspondent Kellie.

Kellie found the aesthetic value of its stainless steel stalls as well, but more so in its mirror.

“Mirror!  A full-length mirror!  This bathroom was highly functional due to this mirror,” she reported.

Perhaps there is a difference between the genders as to the value we place on our mirrors.  Whereas men may only need to flatten their Alfalfa hair, Correspondent Kellie makes it clear through her exuberance that it is the full ensemble that matters most.

Correspondent Kellie was also not as convinced of the privacy of this restroom, due to its high foot traffic.

“There is always someone to watch you fix your hair or adjust your layers,” she claimed.

She goes into detail about the causes of the high foot traffic by accrediting it to the convenient location as well as a lack of “other spectacles or places of interest in SSB on the second floor.”  Simply put, the SSB is un-deserving of such a fine lavatory.

The aesthetics of this restroom carry its rating all the way through.  I would not be able to sleep at night knowing that an astounding facility such as this restroom received anything less than the full score.  The privacy issue pertaining to heavy foot traffic in essence isn’t the restroom’s fault.  At this point, I don’t feel it to be fair or even necessary to include the toilet paper score into the final calculation now that a norm has been set.  On the “A.P.-titude” scale: Five Stars.

Final Score: * * * * *