Most of us are familiar with the saying “You are what you eat.” It has never made much sense to me, but I have been giving it an unusual amount of thought lately, wondering if it applies to couples as well. Are couples defined by the food and drink they share?
I am a very passionate person, and when I like something, I really like it. Coffee, for example, is more than a morning routine to me: It is a way of life. Call it overdramatic if you like, but I think that the type of coffee you drink can say a whole lot about you as a person. If you don’t drink it at all, well, let’s just say that says something about you as well.
So, you see, the problem is that my boyfriend doesn’t drink coffee – at all. This may seem like no big deal to many people, but it was strike one for me. In his defense, he did purchase not only a coffee pot but also a coffee grinder for me to use when I’m at his house. This gesture of acceptance and encouragement of my “lifestyle” (some call it a vice, but I find that too derogatory for my beloved friend) definitely restored him to my good graces.
Can you judge an individual based on the contents of their refrigerator or their morning beverage of choice? During the gubernatorial election, there was an article about the three main candidates that gave their stats, and that included their coffee drink of choice. Having already made up my mind not to vote for Sarah Palin, my decision was reaffirmed when I saw that she drinks a skinny white chocolate mocha, probably from Starbucks. That is unquestionably the most unacceptable of all coffee drinks.
My coffee test may not always be an accurate personality test, but it has served me well in many circumstances.
I do realize I am going to be limiting my dating pool quite a bit if I only date men who have similar dietary preferences to me. How many eligible, vegetarian, coffee-drinking men are available in Anchorage? Naturally, I make exceptions, but when you are dating someone who can’t try your favorite restaurant and cooking is out of the question, what is left but to go your separate ways for meals? I find it distressing when my boyfriend and I spend a lovely day together and then he goes home to his house for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I go home to my kitchen to fix some tofu pasta. At this point, it is not about eating but about lifestyle and the time we spend together.
So can this difference be overcome? My friend called me out one night by saying, “If you love him, wouldn’t you be willing to take him, flaws and all?” She likened his eating habits to a third nipple (which may be stretch, but we will work with it). If he had a third nipple, would I constantly point it out and ask him to have it removed? Of course not, and his eating habits are simply a part of who he is whether I like it or not. So shouldn’t I just accept it and enjoy the things that we do have in common? Like . OK, we don’t have that much in common, but the sex is amazing and he makes me laugh.
So even though my boyfriend doesn’t have a doppio every morning – a doppio is the sexiest coffee drink on my personality test scale – and he hates to eat tofu as much as I hate burned coffee, it is who he is. He has enough good qualities to outweigh the dietary incompatibility. So we are not what we eat as a couple, we are what we laugh and talk about, and that is nothing short of amazing.