Do not try this at home

It seemed like a typical evening at the bar last Wednesday. This tale begins in the ladies’ room as a young woman in a short black skirt and thigh-highs fiddled with the quarter crank on the rainbow-stickered condom machine.

The evening seemed typical at first.

But Princess Anna, crowned with blue and pink star tattoos across her brow, didn’t use that condom in the ordinary fashion.

As the Chilkoot Charlie’s crowd got to see for the first time on August 20, no member of the Pheonix-based group Cut Throat Freak Show uses ordinary bar items in the usual ways.

It started out as a birthday event for Body Piercing Unlimited owner Kevin McKinley. But thanks to his and the Cut Throats’ mutual friend, tattoo artist Steve Haworth, the show was opened to the public for our much-needed example of “mental castration.”

Exiting the restroom in a glowy perspiration with her little rubber in hand, the princess ducked behind the curtains in front of the techno stage and left the Anchoragites behind to help Stephen Strange finish preparing props for the freak show.

Anna said she was somewhat anxious from traveling and getting ready for the show. Her act consists of being crushed under a cinderblock while laying on a bed of eight large nails – hardly enough to disperse her weight out against like other performers do on beds of hundreds of nails.

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She said they had a minor accident while setting up the wooden bull’s-eye, which Stephen Strange would stand against while Charlie Watson (of Fairbanks’ BPU) would shoot at him during the bullet-catching act.

With a bucket full of beer bottle shards from bars across the states and South America, a couple light bulbs, a straightjacket, two microphones, a suspension rack, a Derringer pistol and a lot of razor blades, Jeremy “Cut Throat” Kinison and his fellow freaks, the Princess Anna, Strange, John Luna and Michael Red showed a packed, raunchy crowd how to castrate their minds.

It’s not everyday you go to a bar in Anchorage and see a man who can lift a full beer bottle by a rubber cord attached to his lower eyelids by hooks. Or two preaching white boys with a trombone and a megaphone, one of whom likes to walk on and bath in glass, and the other who likes to eat it. King Mob should have been there, he would have loved it.

We’ll let our photos speak for how the rest of the evening went.

Oh, the people you meet at Koot’s!

It’s not everyday you go to a bar in Anchorage and see a man who can lift a full beer bottle by a rubber cord attached to his lower eyelids by hooks.