Corporations really aren’t that bad, they just have our best interests in mind

As you may be aware, the U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that the free speech rights enjoyed by natural persons shall be extended to corporations, who are considered artificial persons.

By allowing unlimited corporate financial contributions to political campaigns, the ruling will certainly even out the political playing field and allow more underrepresented corporate voices to be heard in Congress.

Also, this ruling will broaden the avenues available to corporations to pay back their bailout funds directly to the senators who voted to give them the money in the first place.

Now that’s what I call government efficiency.

I’m really excited about this precedent. Long ago, the U.S. Supreme Court waived their legal magic wand, and presto, corporations had civil rights. So, it’s about time corporations were treated like the law-abiding, tax-paying artificial persons that they are.

Enough of this taxation without representation. Sure, the U.S. General Accountability Office just produced a report that says almost half of all U.S. corporations pay zero U.S. federal income taxes, while reaping $2.5 trillion in profit over the past two years.

Hey, part of being a citizen is more than just paying taxes, it’s about doing your part to help the country grow. It’s about being a good neighbor. That is why corporations are doing their best to provide us with cheap goods and services, even if that requires exporting all of the jobs that keeps America churning through all these hard times.

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And you know. America has survived some really tough times thanks to corporations. Take World War II and IBM for example. Back then IBM was gaining notoriety for their new-fangled “tabulation computers,”

These computers took up entire offices and required custom punch cards to operate – since IBM designed specifically for each of its customers.

According to a recent lawsuit, one of these IBM computers was made specifically for Nazi concentration camps to tally how prisoners were executed. For example, IBM created a punch card for “gas chamber” and another for “firing range.” You get the idea.

And some people say corporations are not accountable. See, the great thing about corporations being treated more like natural citizens is that they don’t have to worry about the meddlesome emotions or moral dilemmas that natural citizens deal with. But, what’s even better is you can’t hang a corporation in effigy!

Corporations really help out communities by keeping prices competitive for services that everyone uses – like gas, electric and water.

What really gets me is the arrogance that some communities have. A small town in Minnesota decided to pool together their public revenues and build themselves a cooperative Internet service provider when there was already an existing corporate Internet service provider in town.

The corporate provider promptly sued the citizen’s cooperative because they offered cheaper rates and faster service that rendered the corporate provider’s service impotent.

In court, the corporate provider argued that this unfair practice hurt their bottom line and would set a precedent, discouraging other corporations from developing in Minnesota.

I think one of the best things about being a natural citizen is the right to sue others, but some people get carried away with it.

Look at poor Wal-Mart for example. Over the past few years, nearly 100 unfair labor practice lawsuits have been brought against them for petty things like terminating employees who attempt to organize unions.

Unions consisting of private citizens? Just thinking about it makes me sick. That’s why I fully support the National Chamber of Commerce and the World Trade Organization. After all, they are just groups of corporations trying to better things for one another. What’s the harm in that?

Most people would defend their rights and freedoms in this country. Look at our brave armed forces for example. I think corporations defend our rights as well. Just take a look at AT&T. Starting in 2002, AT&T allowed the Bush administration to intercept all incoming and outgoing domestic telephone and internet connections coming from their customers.

AT&T was sued on the grounds that they helped the government violate right to privacy laws. In court they argued that they were just following orders from the government. I can’t believe the court didn’t let them off!

I guess what I am saying here is that we should all welcome corporations like family and respect their god-given rights, just like they respect ours.

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