Comedian Cain Lopez insulting, not funny

UAA students got the chance to be insulted, stereotyped and debased by the so-called comic Cain Lopez Oct. 1.

Unlike the Saturday Night Live mentality of equal opportunity insults, which are all in good fun, the spectacle in the Student Union Den was much more malicious. Though Lopez did a comprehensive job of ridiculing nearly all audience members present, the feminine portion of the audience was hit hardest.

Lopez blamed women for not only their own shortcomings, but for men’s as well.

“Women, you want to know why all men are assholes – and we are assholes – it’s because you made us that way,” Lopez said.

Blanket statements characterized the night and Lopez routinely followed them with rather colorful four-lettered phrases and flipping off the audience. After loosing his audience’s attention, Lopez relied on his highly polished abilities in self-delusion.

“Come on, this is funny, you all know this is funny,” Lopez said several times in his routine.

Desperation led Lopez to do more than just make sexist jokes. Lopez went so far as to insult the members of the audience who were reluctant to respond to his jokes the way he wanted.

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It was not long before Alaska came under attack from the same type of blows Lopez already directed at the retarded, the chivalrous and single mothers.

“I was up in Wasilla, and it just stunk. I mean I farted and no one noticed,” Lopez said.

Lopez’s idiocy, knowing no bounds, lasted about an hour before the audience at last found release with an abrupt and unpolished ending. Many audience members grumbled as they made their way out of the Den.

“I could just envision him up their looking out at the audience, with them not laughing, thinking ‘Man this stuff kills back in real cities, bunch of hicks,’” audience member Kevin Stentor said. “I think there were just four people who liked his jokes, and the rest just sat there.”

Lopez’s crude form of humor lacked the tact and style necessary for a risqué comedian to turn blatant insults into even poor jokes.

Thankfully, the comedian does not live in Alaska. Let’s hope no other unsuspecting Alaskans are subjected to Lopez’s drivel because this comedian’s jokes aren’t funny.