Category: Sex and the Seawolf

June 25, 2013 Vicente Capala

So everyone knows about the stereotypical ways of handling yourself as heterosexual individuals. Well, heterosexuals do. Homosexuals don’t really have much of a manual for these things. Personally, I never had a bigger brother who told me what to do with another man. It all was mainly a journey of experimentations. Here I will talk about a few key things you should do as a homosexual male with another male. Of these things we will discuss: cuddling, dancing and kissing.

Cuddling is one of the most comforting things to do with another guy. Now you might wonder: should I be the big spoon or should he? The answer is both. Either of you can be the big spoon or the little spoon. It’s easier to see after one of you initiates it. Don’t worry. If you become the big spoon it’s not like he’s going to scurry away from your grasp. If he does, then there is no point of talking to him. One thing you’ll know if he likes to cuddle with you is if he nuzzles closer into your body. That’s your cue to hug comfortably tighter. Now if you want to be the little spoon at this point, I sometimes like to make an excuse to get up. My main excuse is usually to go the bathroom. After you get back, you simply light in front of him and take his hands to wrap them around you. It’s as simple as that.

Dancing seems to be such a problematic thing for some gays. It’s easy to see that in most cases heterosexuals just end up grinding with one another. Dancing should not be an uncomfortable thing for any individual. It is a chance for you to let loose and become enthralled in the music and the moment. Dancing with another homosexual man is not rocket science. Just follow the beat of the music and move to it with you boy. I think someone just needed to tell you that. This might be your chance to show off those dance moves you have always imagined yourself doing.

Kissing is one of my favorite things, as it should be with everyone else. It’s such a passionate exchange of sexuality. Kissing a man is no different than when heterosexuals kiss one another. Never start with a gaping mouth hoping to French kiss the first time. Everything requires a beginning. So begin with a peck. Afterwards, see where that leads. Do you see any differences with homosexual and heterosexual kissing? No. It is because there are no differences. What you can find is that kissing can be learned even when asking straight friends about their experiences.

Cuddling, dancing and kissing all call forth the ideas if interchangeability. This is the idea that you or the other boy is able to take control of the situation or just to sit back. Both of these you can enjoy to its full extent. You just have to learn to ease yourself in this role of homosexuality. Embrace this idea of being with another man. You don’t have to feel like you can or cannot do one thing.

 

June 11, 2013 Vicente Capala

When is it alright to date your best friend’s ex? Or, when is it alright to date the ex of any of your friends? The whole situation is debatable. It can all become a wave of confusion. I can’t say with certainty whether dating your particular best friend’s ex is right or wrong, but I can mention what you should expect in this situation.

When people start thinking about dating one another, it’s a choice. They don’t “accidentally” decide to date just because they both are connected to a mutual person. Some like to think most people have good personage and always give them the benefit of the doubt. For these kinds of people, dating to spite others won’t be a topic of conversation. Some just believe that if others feel something for one another, the couple should explore these emotions without fear of hurting the “third wheel.”

As time goes on and the couple becomes exes, this change does not mean the subject isn’t sensitive anymore. If you push past this insensitive and pursue a relationship with your friend’s ex, if your friend finds out, a can of awkward would soon explode. You will have to prepare yourself for that moment.

Then you have to decide what to do next. Do you talk to your friend? Do you slide by silently? Conflicts can sneak into your head and muddle your head with questions: How are we all going to see each other after this? What will their reaction be? Am I going to go deeper into this?

Many people go through after being troubled by this is the beginning of secrecy. You’ll do anything to hide the fact that you have been spending time with your friend’s ex just to not hurt them. The wise decision is to talk to your friend earlier on before anything gets serious. Ask him or her what they think about the situation by mentioning you two might be interested in one another. It may come as a surprise, but it’s more helpful to mention it earlier on so he or she may grow accustomed to the awkward situation.

Sometimes most of the advice we hear seems very simple, but in our minds we contort it into such difficulty that we can’t act on it. If you do decide to date your best friend’s ex, just be cautious. Don’t let it stop you, however. In the earlier stages, have fun and don’t take it too seriously. It’ll play out the way it should. Just be prepared to talk to your friend, too.

May 29, 2013 Vicente Capala

It’s been a long day. You’re tense and just worn out. It is likely that your muscles need a relaxing massage — but just not any massage, of course. Think about it. You could go to just about any spa and get a regular massage.

But when the massage comes from that special someone, the possibilities could be endless. Whether you are on the giving or receiving end of this act, all of these tips can be useful for a wonderful experience.

Every good massage involves some kind of lubricant. There are a variety of lotions, creams, gels and oils that can be used. For a romantic massage, choose oil. Even then, there are nearly endless options in the oil family. If uncertain about what oils smell and feel the best, visit a local body essentials shop, such as The Body Shop. The employees can help you find the perfect oil to your liking.

When the oil is chosen, it’s time to focus on the massage room setting. Not everyone has a massage table sitting around, but there are simple alternatives. The perfect surface for a massage is one that is firm and stable. You can use the floor and line it with pillows, or you can use a bed with rose petals.

When working on the setting, think of all the senses you can satisfy. The sense of touch is addressed by the oil and massage. But what about scent?

Incense can fill a room with luxurious aromas. Be careful with these little burning sticks, though. Using too much or the wrong kind can smoke out an entire room.

Music choice is also important. Find something serene and slow. The massage should follow the mood of the music. You can choose between melodies that continue for long periods of time or even sounds from nature, like a beach or forest.

Now that the setting has been placed, it’s time to start the massage. Anyone can give a really good massage with enough practice. Communication is key. Tense areas are different for many people, but once you find it, the receiving end will probably thank you in creative ways. When communicating, try to whisper in your partner’s ear to heighten the romantic feeling.

Don’t rush the massage. Focus on specific areas. The more attention you pay to your partner’s body, the more luxurious the effect will be.

If you are in the receiving end of this journey, be sure to thank your partner in gracious ways.

May 1, 2013 Vicente Capala

So you’ve decided you want to cut ties with everyone in Anchorage when you move out of state for post-graduate adventures. Or maybe you just haven’t had luck in the last four years or so and can’t figure out what to do next with your love life. For those who are afraid of becoming a cat lady (or cat lord), never fear: The end of college does not mean the end of being able to meet new people.

Fresh college graduates seeking relationships are hit with a harsh reality in the real world. Dating options are no longer supported by the college social life. Face it, the game will be harder, but it’s not impossible to play.

In college, you were guaranteed an environment which practically dropped new friends and a booming social life into the palm of your hand. You could meet people around your age with similar interests, all without ever having to leave campus.

When you take your steps away from college, your ties to these events and opportunities might go away, but be sure to keep your actual ties with the friends you’ve made in the last 4-plus years — regardless of whether you think any of them could be “the one.”

Once the opportune party calls and the study sessions disappear, it’s time to grab life by the horns and direct it in a way that best suits you. If you move out to another city, search out social events. Plant yourself in the culture of this new city. You may find yourself at a local theater, becoming a regular at a coffee shop or taking walks at a park every Sunday.

Whatever it is, it will work its magic for you. You just have to be patient and take action. Never be stagnant.

Also consider joining an interest group. Interest groups are casual local clubs for specific hobbies and activities. Start with making a few friends at the new job you have, saying hello to the other regulars at the coffee shop or smiling at the other person you see at the park every Sunday. Once these new connections have been made, it won’t be long until you find yourself being invited to social gatherings. And once you find yourself in these social gatherings, flirtation will just be a moment away.

Don’t dumb yourself down to seem more appealing in your new environment. Instead, commit yourself to keep meeting new people. Go to local events. Visit the bar and have a drink or two. You might meet someone worth spending a lifetime with or reignite an old flame.

April 24, 2013 Vicente Capala

Unequal stamina is an issue for some people during sex. This problem typically revolves around males in heterosexual relationships. The female orgasm is more difficult to trigger the average male’s, so many females tend to last far longer than their male partners, and it can seem like partners experience unequal amounts of pleasure.

This poses a problem for females who are trying to reach orgasm before or at the same time as their partner. Once a male reaches ejaculation, the penis becomes tender and rendered immobile for a relatively long refractory period — so if the male orgasms first, it’s difficult for him to reciprocally see his partner through to orgasm.

So how can a male gain extra minutes during sex?

The solutions are simple. Put your partner’s needs first, practice controlling your increased arousal and wear specialized condoms.

When putting your partner’s needs first, always ask yourself, “Will this benefit us both?” If the answer is yes, find a way to pleasure your partner without getting yourself ahead of the race. A male’s goal should be to bring her to the most sensual and gratifying state of mind.

Taking things slow during sex is a reliable route to achieve this state of mind. Foreplay is the most valuable weapon out there to gain time for males and speed time for females. Whisper sensual words. Tease your partner’s body. Sexual arousal is partly a psychological creation, so always remember to keep the female ahead in the race — because if only one person crosses the finish line, nobody wins.

While keeping her needs ahead of yours, you may find yourself wanting to dive into more passionate displays of penetration. The force must be used with the utmost control — for if not maintained, the force could just splatter all over the both of you.

One easy way to keep yourself in check is to focus on calm breathing as you plow forward. Do not maintain the same position for too long. Changing positions between you and your partner can also alleviate impending ejaculation. Going back to foreplay is always an option, too.

Another good option to increase stamina is wearing a desensitizing condom. These condoms are lubricated with enough numbing agents to allow the male appendage to become less affected by friction during intercourse The only problem with this option however is that you must find a happy medium to sustain an erection. Since the penis is numbed, male arousal becomes focused on the passion of the sex. Don’t worry though — the agents do not take away all of your senses.

Now that you know a couple of tricks to last longer in bed, try timing yourself. You may even find yourself rolling from one night to the next afternoon.

April 9, 2013 Vicente Capala

The female orgasm can be difficult to reach for many people. There are men who have tried search out the orgasmic site of pleasure — the legendary G-spot. Some adventurers successfully bewilder, some are lied to and think they found it, and others just fail completely.

April 3, 2013 Vicente Capala

Say you’re a person trying to please your hard-working man. Sure, you can please him by stimulating his shaft, but that takes the fun away from actually exploring his body. You may even find yourself knowing more about your partner’s pleasure points than he does himself, giving him an instant, gratifying surprise.

March 27, 2013 Vicente Capala

In our journey to find that certain soul mate, we sometimes encounter people who are right under the nose. By under the nose, I mean someone whose profession or workplace is the same as yours. We tend to not realize their availability because we like to draw ourselves to things that seem fresh and different.

March 6, 2013 Vicente Capala

Passion sears all over your body. You have been submissive for the past few days — maybe even months. You have it easy to just be whisked away with adrenaline so high and his masculine testosterone just beating at your bosom. You then realize you want to switch the dominance for maybe one night, or maybe a few weekends. Those thoughts are normal, and it may be worth a try.

February 26, 2013 Vicente Capala

Today, we will imagine we are at peace as we are reading this article — so peaceful that you could hear a butterfly flap its wings. Or even more peacefully, you could almost hear crickets making love in the distance. Then the question arises: Is it appropriate to make sounds during lovemaking?

February 12, 2013 Vicente Capala

It is Valentine’s season. Stores are setting up the best chocolate deals, restaurants are opening up more reservations and jewelry stores are practically throwing their diamonds out of their cases. Romance blooms more during this time than any other holiday. But if you are looking for a boost in romantic intrigue between you and your partner, consider trying aphrodisiacs for the special occasion.

January 29, 2013 Vicente Capala

Trust is one of the basic foundations for having a strong connection with a partner. Trust is a valued act between two people, and once that trust is broken we begin to question whether we should place the same trust in that person as we did before.

Many people would like to think that they can truly restore trust in a person who has broken it, but that person’s wrongs almost always become a gnawing thought in the back of your mind: Could he or she could possibly break it again?

Trust is slow to build and easy to break. But here are some tips for becoming a person of second chances or being more understanding of the mistake made. It might be obvious that your trust may not ever be the same again, but you can always try.

I always give every person I meet the benefit of the doubt. It is generally how I’ve come to be so understanding of people’s mistakes. When trusting a person who won’t do you harm, an expectation is often created that paints them as perfect human beings.

Truthfully, your partner is imperfect. He or she may attract other people, as well. That’s just how it is. But being in an agreed monogamous relationship implicitly means that partners will not see other men or women.

Don’t get into a relationship if you already have doubts. That will put you on an emotional rollercoaster and could possibly result in one or both people involved developing trust issues in future relationships. To be exclusive to someone implies trust, unless you weren’t serious about it in the first place. Having doubts in the beginning makes it that much more difficult to make it work.

Try not to be too skeptical. Don’t take assumptions made from things that seem a little sketchy as fact. But don’t let things pass by you unnoticed, of course. Take those thoughts into account, but don’t let too much skepticism lead you to aggressive, uncomfortable behavior.

Never look through a partner’s phone, Facebook, MSN, Skype and other messaging service histories for the purpose of digging up dirt. You most likely wouldn’t feel comfortable if your partner looked through your messages without your permission, even if you had no incriminating exchanges. Your partner deserves the same respect.

The second reason is that if you did find something incriminating, you are then lead down a quick spiral of skepticism, leading you to want more information. If you did end up truly believing that they have broken your trust, then confront them and ask to be shown their messages, rather than becoming a snoop of your boyfriend or girlfriend’s social media.

Skeptical attitudes are difficult to hold back, but it can lead you to many outrageous fictional accusations. It can also lead you to performing acts that are looked down upon, like breaking the windows of someone’s car.

When questionable behavior can’t be rationalized any longer, it is best to calmly talk your problems out with him or her.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend ends up being the scum that he or she promised you not to be, make him or her feel terrible only in the most calm and level headed demeanor. Guilt tripping is a great payback when presented in an informal manner.

But if you do have a relationship with a shaky past and are willing to build broken trust again, don’t be afraid to give it that second chance. But remember, second chances only come once.

Place that second wind of trust on someone after evaluating every possible reason why you should and what benefit would come from it. If the answers aren’t reasonable, it’s best to let it go.

December 3, 2012 Vicente Capala

The holiday season calls for family gatherings, presents, playing in the snow and free time to do anything you want. For many young people, winter vacation is like the spring break of holidays. There’s always a big party celebrating December birthdays. Food and champagne get thrown around everywhere. The dating and hookup scenes become more lively during the break.

November 12, 2012 Vicente Capala

When you hear the term “sex toys,” what do you imagine? Most people envision a fake penis when thinking about sex toys. Fake penises do assist those lost without a hardened appendage to ease into their pleasures, but despite the utility of these toys, some are embarrassed to admit they’ve had the pleasure of using them.

Don’t be embarrassed. Everyone has come in contact with or imagined using sex toys at some point in their life.

And I don’t only mean penises, either. There are various kinds of sex toys for the pleasures of both men and women.

So, how one can find sex toys in town?

Castle Megastore, an Anchorage shop specializing in sex toys, is located at 1851 E 5th Ave. This store is only for those over 18 years old, and there’s no way to sneak your way in — the staff checks IDs upon entry. But once you’ve proved your age, you enjoy the pleasure and fun of browsing through the store.

On one side of the store, there are displays of artificial genitalia products — fake penises, or dildos, and fake vaginas. Fake vaginas are often called fleshlights, or as I like to call them, “vagildos.”

(On a side note, I would also like to start the popularization of the word “vagildo.”)

Admittedly, it is rather awkward browsing around for who-knows-what the first time. You may not even know what you’re looking for in the first place.

Just set aside your fear of being judged and act as if you have been there several times before. That’s what I tried to do my first time. But I would still feel a sensation of shock and discomfort every time I touched a display item.

Touching these toys may sidetrack you from your original mission, whatever it may be. It could also help one get an image for how other genitals could feel like. This is helpful if you had never reached second base with someone before, or if you are a curious gay on the fence.

There are many kinds of artificial genitalia. There are dildos that vibrate. There are vibrators that provide both vaginal and clitoral stimulation, mimicking two-finger pleasure. There are vagildos shaped like mouths to simulate the experience of oral sex. There are some that vibrate from within to simulate grinding. Some even light up, just for uniqueness.

There are other, non-genital varieties of sex toys, too, the biggest of them probably being stripper poles.

Yes. Castle also sells stripper poles.

These range in price between $200 and a little over $500. It could very well be the perfect present for any of your wild friends.

Now is your choice to explore and browse. Make sure to act casual, try not to knock any vagildos off the shelf and by all means, always bring your ID.

October 29, 2012 Vicente Capala

You run into the other room. Your partner is waiting. Shuffling through your bathroom cabinets and looking through various bottles, containers and boxes, you are on a mission. All of the neck kisses and foot massages have led up to this: finding what makes the perfect personal lubricant.

October 9, 2012 Vicente Capala

We see them everywhere: in department stores, glove compartments, wallets, cabinets, shelves, under the bed, attached to flower leis — the list goes on and on. I’m talking about the powerful tool crafted for the use of safe sex, the condom.

If you are a first-time shopper of the condom, it generally is confusing to figure out what material, type or size you should get. With all the branding noise, it’s tough to get to a solid purchase. Forget about the Trojan or Durex labels and just read what they can do for you.

Size should be the first thing

to think about if you don’t really know. I say, if you know you’re not very large, then try not to purchase an extra large. It’ll just slip off. Buying a larger condom for the sake of a title isn’t cool when your protection doesn’t, well, protect.

Second, what about the material? Condoms are made in variety of materials, but of the most common are latex and polyurethane.

Latex condoms are the most popular for their elasticity but are criticized for uselessness with many lubricants. Oil-based lubricants damage the latex, which causes the condom to break during intercourse.

Polyurethane condoms, also known as “synthetic” condoms, are more durable through various activities. But durability usually draws back the elasticity factor.

However, they can be used with lubricants, no problem.

Material is just one aspect of a condom. What about the special attributes manufacturers advertise on certain condoms? These attributes are the usual selling point for condoms, and there are many varieties.

Let’s face it: Sometimes wearing a condom can make you feel detached from the moment.

Thin condoms are used for those that want to feel like they’re not using protection at all. Trojan sells their “Ultra Thin” and Durex sells their “Avanti Bare.” Due to the fact that these condoms are thinner than thin, they have been lined with spermicidal lubricants. As the name suggests, the lubricant kills sperm as a last ditch effort if the condom were to break.

We all know that it is

comparatively more difficult to please women compared to the heightened sensitivity of the male appendage.

In response, manufacturers have developed a “long-lasting” condom, advertised to help control the climax, or orgasm, for males. The interior of these condoms are lined with benzocaine, a topical anesthetic, resulting in a slightly numb appendage that can last longer through sex. Trojan sells their “Extended” brand while Durex sells their “Performax” brand.

The next type you will probably see is the ribbed condom. Trojan sells their “Ultra Ribbed” and Durex sells their “Ribbed.” Ribbed just means they’ve raised multiple portions of the condom for better stimulation during intercourse. The exterior ribbing rubs against the involved orifice,

PHOTO BY VICENTE CAPALA

causing a satisfactory friction. The list of condom types goes on and on, from mixing a variety of these types to fire and ice

sensations.
The last, and most important,

thing in this condom lesson is to always use a condom correctly.

You should always use a new condom every time you have sex. If your condom can’t handle oil- based lubricants, be sure to use water-based lubricants instead.

And finally, you should be using the condom from the first moment you penetrate through the last moment of ejaculation.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has listed other ways to use a condom correctly on their website. You can find them at the following website: http://1.usa. gov/PC4oxz.

With those things in mind, happy pickings!

October 1, 2012 Vicente Capala

So you’ve had regular intercourse and feel bored with it. You now feel like you’re ready for bigger and better, shall I say, “achievements.” I will touch on two “kinky achievements” various couples attempt to perform. Now, before you try to attain such “achievements,” make sure you consult your significant other about if they’re comfortable…

September 24, 2012 Vicente Capala

Are you confused about what kinds of people you may be into? Rest assured, you are not alone. Trying to figure out who may turn you on or get you sprung may be difficult to understand sometimes. I have a fair understanding of what is interesting to me in a person, but I always find out new things that I may grow an interest in.

Let’s start off first with appearance. Even though we like to say that people are not judgmental of appearance, many people have some sort of preference in the “look” they seek. Some people say that the “look” is based on everyone’s primal nature of wanting to have babies that survive through trials, whatever they may be.

My personal preference is bright-eyed white males. Yes, I am gay, but I’m not ruling out women as attractive. I am simply geared toward cultivating emotional and physical attraction towards men.

And I don’t believe I’m prejudiced; I am just pulled more towards light-skinned and bright-eyed people. I found out my attraction through simple testing of physical types. I myself am of Filipino and Spanish descent, but I do not gear myself toward other Asians. My mind just automatically associates everyone that looks like me with a family member — that’s just how my mind works.

There are many people that are very much attracted to their same ethnicity and that is totally fine. Physical attraction should be based on what you see as beautiful. Sometimes our views can be skewed through social media and entertainment.

Hot bods and tight abs are usually viewed as attractive in the media, but to be able to actually judge what you are attracted to needs for you to step away from the TV and look into reality.

Nobody looks perfect. Rating physical attraction is simpler than you think. You can do it by yourself as you stare at other people passing you by, but be careful not to look like a stalker.

The second attraction factor takes some interaction with an individual, or if you are dating various people: individuals. Whether you are into book-smart, street-smart, artsy, outgoing, introverted, or downright gangster, you still need to get to know a person to figure out if they are “the one.” Sometimes people tend to like combinations of certain personality types, which can get a little complicated.

I’m into people who are smart, artsy, easygoing and silly yet mature. And the complexities go further from there. Over time I’ve come to call myself picky, but I wouldn’t say everyone’s like that. If you can sit through a conversation with someone and not realize that time has passed, then they are someone you should go on a second date with.

Now, if you are still confused on whether you can feel something for a Latino boy with a high IQ or an Australian girl with a great attitude, don’t worry — preferences build over time. Sometimes people don’t even realize that they even had a preference and just fall in love with someone without being able to explain it. That is something to be respected.

However, one thing to remember is the age-old message, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” Never reject someone immediately because they don’t fit perfectly with your preferences. Just go out there and explore … safely. You’ll be surprised what you find!

September 17, 2012 Vicente Capala

When people think of relationships, they think of all the good and bad that come from them — the good being the availability of someone who is there for you, to handle your needs and to perhaps give you a good massage for times you’re stressed, and the bad being the hurt you could give yourself in the long run, the jealousy that could possibly arise and simply falling out of love.

For people that are looking to start a relationship through dating scene, it’s a bit difficult for those inexperienced, like myself.

I met a guy once through Facebook. He was a sweetheart, and we started texting. I had never spoken to someone as gentlemanly and cheesy as him. Usually, I’m very intolerant of such speech, but gosh darn it, he was too cute — I had to ask him out to lunch. He said yes and we met later in the week.

We hit it off on our first date, and he had asked to go on a second. It made me feel excited to know he felt the same way as I did. Two weeks passed, and we went on a few more dates, but I wasn’t very wise in the relationship.

We kind of took it too quickly and had a huge misunderstanding on what we both wanted. It turns out that we wanted the same things in the relationship, but each of us conveyed what we wanted with different signals that were confusing for the other. It ended with him breaking it off with me, and I sat in my room saddened for the next week.

But of course, you always have to get up, face rejection and move on.

In that relationship, I discovered how I can avoid making huge mistakes when dating in the future. My advice can be summed up in three points.

First things first: Never, under any circumstances, take it too quick — whatever that may be for you or the other person. Many things could be included in the terms of quick action on the first few dates. Sex could be considered one of the bigger issues for some people, seeing it as a casual statement of intimacy, while others consider it to be something to be gained of an individual. And if you push too far to reach for it, you could scare an individual off.

Second: Try not to bring up past relationships, no matter how many you’ve had. It sends a bad message that you could be carrying some sort of baggage. The other person could start wondering things like, “Why did they break up?” or “Is he or she new at this?” By avoiding discussion about past relationships, better conversations will arise, such as those about one’s self, hobbies and favorite foods.

Third: Just be yourself. And with this, don’t get too worked up about rejection. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, then you shouldn’t be spending your time on him or her. Of course, you should avoid going over the top with revealing certain things; you instead want to ease into their interest zone and snap the trap with your charm.

September 4, 2012 Vicente Capala

So everyone tends to have interesting stories of how they lost their virginity, myself included. I am currently a freshly sprouted gay within the community, slowly easing myself in to this whole new world. Now before you continue reading my ever-so-revealing story of how I lost my V-Card, you must understand that I obviously was once a confused straight man.

I once had a girlfriend, very loving indeed, but something always felt very peculiar. When I was with her I felt at peace, never really knowing what I was missing. She then broke up with me because I was too harsh; I tend to agree with that assessment, and I apologized in later months for being so. We had never done anything except for the occasional make out session. After her, I had never really grown much interest in anyone else. Then my freshman year of college happened. This was my experimentation phase.

In all honesty, I was never really attracted to either sex to an extreme degree. I would usually rate the beauty in a person by how well their face was structured or how they were built and so on, so I was more an admirer than a lover.  I began to open up the idea that I could be bisexual. So my first course of action was to apply it through social media in the name of GRINDR.

GRINDR is a mobile app for gays to basically reveal who is or is not available. It could be seen as the real “Gay-dar.” A gay can chat with other gays, questionings, or bisexuals easily without the hassle of sifting through who is straight and who is not.

On my first day with this app I received a total of twenty-something personal messages. Oddly enough, they contained paraphrased versions of “hello” following a compliment.

I politely messaged back to most of those who seemed decent. I kept conversation with a couple, and lost interest in the rest.

A couple weeks had gone by, and I had been asked on a few dates — none of them, however, I agreed to. There was one guy in particular that kept insisting on taking me out. I was just very hesitant in actually seeing him, or any guy for that matter. I finally submitted to his constant barrage of “When can I finally meet you?” and decided that if I were ever to figure out if I was sexually attracted to men, that I needed to take a chance. I said “Yes, meet me at Starbucks at noon tomorrow.”

I met him and he was very much a gentleman. The date ended shortly with him asking me when he could see me again. I still hesitated and joked with “I’ll text you.” Obviously I did not want to lie.

A week later, I decided I would make an effort in getting to know him. I went to his house. He cooked Thai food and was very sweet. He then asked, “Do you want to cuddle?” I had never cuddled with a man before, but I did it. It was … nice.  He then proceeded to kiss my neck, and for you readers out there, my neck is a very sensitive spot. One thing leads to another. I basically received my first everything involving a man with him. It was not an enjoyable experience for me. I, however, am not the kind to just drop something and leave rudely. I let it go further to the point where we just “did it.” He carried me into his room with such vigor. I did not know what I was getting myself into. One thing I was very conscious about was the usage of a condom. He took it slow. I myself thought, “Just let it end.” I had never felt such a great deal of pain in my life. He finished, and I quickly rushed to the bathroom with a spur of random thoughts through my mind.

“Did I just do it with a man?”

“Did I just lose my virginity?”

“Did I just eat Thai food before I had sex?”

With that, I washed myself of my actions and got dressed. He gave me a hug and I sat down on the couch staring at the muted movie playing on the TV. I stood up and told him I had to leave to go catch a game of World of Warcraft — it was a Tuesday. He asked, “When can I see you again?” I replied with “I’ll text you.” I left his apartment, got into my car and drove off.

As I was driving into the sunset, I felt odd about not enjoying it. I will remember many things about that evening. One thing I will probably never eat again is Thai food.

August 20, 2012 J. Almendarez

There seems to be an age craze in American society. People can be heard regularly saying, “I only date younger women,” “I only date older men,” or vice versa.

It’s completely understandable. Some people want the maturity of an older person in their life. Some people want a youngster with a hot, rocking body. Everyone has preferences, and this column is not meant to judge.

I am generally attracted to older men. They have better stories to tell because they’ve simply lived longer.

But, a recent exploit has caused me to realize that there’s something to be said about dating a person one’s own age.

The person I’m referring to is only two years my senior, making him one of the youngest people I’ve gone on a date with, ever!

The first time we went out, we split the bill at a restaurant at my insistence. Being the cool, new age guy he is, he accepted the cash with no problems. An older man would have made a huge fuss about paying the tab and a younger guy simply doesn’t have the grace or experience to know what to do when a lady makes the offer. So, that’s a winning point for the person my age.

On our second date, we decided to play it classy and snuck bourbon into a movie theater. I brought the bourbon. He paid for the tickets. Sounds fair to me. Did I mention I brought the bourbon?

That’s an essential point of information because it is the key reason for stumbling back to his place half-drunk after the movie. He also gets a winning point here. Older guys have little patience for keeping company with half-drunk girls. Younger guys would have been too hammered to drive home. Not the my-aged-man! I’ll have you know, he was a sober driver.

This is where things get sticky.

The apex of the evening became whether or not we decide to have sex.

Granted, I was already leaning to “yes” because Southern Comfort does that to a girl.

But, something inside of me was tinged with the notion of making him wait.

That is until he started playing all the R&B/pop songs of the early 2000s.

“Soldier” by Destiny’s Child blasted through the speakers — borderline crappy music like that is completely gone from the mind of anyone who didn’t wear JNCO jeans to school. Nobody, aside from those who lived in the era, knows how important that music is.

It was on.

Did I put out way to soon? Yes, absolutely.

Do I have regrets? Are you kidding?

Not only did we use a condom (no glove, no love!), but while wrapped in sheets later that night we sang all the words to Usher’s “U got it bad.”

“When you feel it in your body you found somebody who … makes you change your ways like hanging with your crew …”

And, I think he really enjoyed being with a his-age girl because we have plans to continue seeing each other.

Does it sound like I have regrets?

April 10, 2012 Danielle Halley

Recently, while doing one of my daily (okay, okay…hourly) perusing on the iPhone app Pinterest, I came across a screen shot of a text message between friends in which a girl was giving her (I’m assuming) best guy friend some harsh, yet true, advice. The text message went something along the lines of this:

Girl: Just tell her.

Boy: I don’t understand how…I really like her.

Girl: Step One: Grow some balls and allow time for development.

Step Two: Approach said female.

Step Three: Talk to the f*&^%$# girl like a MAN.

All I have to say to this girl is…AMEN SISTER. As we go through life, it is inevitable that we will eventually become a part of situations in which being accepted or rejected is the primary method of response. When you apply for a job interview, you essentially are either a) qualified and asked back for a first or even second interview or, b) receive some type of correspondence letting you down gently (or harshly depending on where you apply).

How is it that we can somewhat easily put ourselves out there for something as serious as a potential career and/or life-changing position, yet, when it comes to asking a fellow individual on a date we suddenly choke?

While Internet dating and social networking sites have made it slightly easier to do this, I still am constantly bearing witness and lending ear to friends and associates’ stories in which the dooming cold sweat of possible rejection looms visibly on their faces. I understand it is not an easy task letting the person whom you are currently infatuated with know that this is so, but how else are they going to find out?

You could do something as crazy as hire a plane to write it in the sky but they would probably more or less categorize it as excessive and slightly creepy. One could also find said person on one of the more popular social networking sites and message them with an inquiry of a perchance rendezvous; this yet again, may come off a slightly creepy if you weren’t already friends or associated with same group.

I once had a boy search for me and ask me out only to find that he had no way of knowing my name by any associated friends, only that he once saw me downtown, a situation in which no words were ever shared between us, period. This, my friends, was an extreme case of creepiness.

That being said, I am in no way dejecting the use of the Internet in order to get your feelings across, but please be thoughtful in how you approach someone – if you don’t know them already or haven’t even spoken five words to them, stalking them on Facebook is greatly discouraged.

So, how to go about doing it? Well, you could always do it the old-fashioned way and slip them a note. Or you could simply strike up a conversation and slowly ease into the possibility of a second hangout session…maybe it’s a study group turned all-night conversation or consumption of beers at the Blue Fox, who knows?

The point is you will NEVER know unless you put yourself out there. Not all people are discourteous and unpleasant and the ones that reject you in that fashion, frankly, probably don’t deserve you anyway.

Keep your chin up Charlie, there’s way too many fish in the sea (especially with the male-to-female ratio in Alaska) for you to turn into a dating turtle – bust out of that shell, make yourself presentable and get out there!

March 27, 2012 Danielle Haley

Hey, hey you!  Yeah you…you know who I’m talking to.  So you think that you have what it takes to satisfy a girl huh?  Ever had a girl tell you you’re the best they’ve ever had?  Or make noises conjured up by you that could rival even the most experienced porn star?  I’m sorry to hand it to you pal, but this may not always be the case.  That girl, you know the one that said you were the forerunner in her top five of “most amazing mind-blowing sex ever” list?  Well, more than likely she is lying and not because she wants to hurt you but rather she’s willing to tell you a lie to keep your ego up than to have to confess the truth of the matter and risk losing you in the process.

And ladies, don’t get me wrong here I’m not saying we ALWAYS do this Who’s to say that boys aren’t lying to us either? But what I would like to know is why?  What is the point?  Because it makes the other person feel better about himself or herself?  Or because if we actually told our partner that what they are doing isn’t really up to par it is going to kill it for us altogether?

Over the past two weeks I have had approximately three different girlfriends come up to me stating variations of this scenario, one even willing to break up with her current interest due to the fact that he was unsatisfying in between the sheets.  Now while I don’t necessarily recommend dismissing someone solely based on that, it isn’t completely unfathomable that something like this could, and would in her case, happen.  Another friend told me that she would rather lie to her boyfriend to make him feel superior in the long run rather than burst his ego-bubble and risk the next go around to be even less satisfactory than before; while their “unions” aren’t completely boring, it just isn’t always what she is looking for.  Another friend voiced that she has never even had a memorable experience with sex because she is too shy to speak up and tell her partner(s) what she would like and instead chooses to go with the flow rather than make things complicated or awkward later.  WHAT!  What is this?  When did we as healthy procreating human beings suddenly lose our backbones?  Why would one choose to have fake, boring sex with a person for the sake of one ego as opposed to overall mutual enjoyment by both? Hmm…orgasm-for-real or orgasm-for-show? I’ll take the real orgasm for 100 please.  So what’s the solution you ask?  The same solution it usually is at the end of my articles – COMMUNICATION.  Thinking about dumping the boy because he can’t carry a vag-tastic tune? Tell him.  You really like when a girl uses her hand when giving oral sex? Tell her.  You’re not feeling the connection period but are sticking around because you enjoy their company? Tell them – maybe their skills just need a little tuning.  With every activity comes practice, nobody said you were going to be amazing at it right off the bat and while some freakishly are, others have to admit they’re not and need to recognize this in order to hone in those skills for later gratifying coupling(s). Take the first step and speak up for yourself!

Sex doesn’t always need to be about orgasms and mind-blowing excitement but by golly: you should have at least one experience of this in your life!

March 14, 2012 Danielle Haley

Did you know that the vibrator was originally an “aiding device” introduced in the late 1800’s as a faster and easier method for medical physicians to cure women they diagnosed as having “hysteria paroxysm”?