Can’t stump Trump

Photo by Gage Skidmore
Photo by Gage Skidmore

In my official capacity as just some guy, I’m told that I shouldn’t have deeply held opinions about complex issues that I have no knowledge of. But a man named Donald Trump taught me that shouldn’t stop me from yelling them at people, whether they want to hear it or not.

For those of you who have not glanced at a television in the last year, I would like to let you know that Donald Trump is a Republican hopeful for the President of the United States, and that Caitlyn Jenner has her own reality show. These are both signs that America is becoming great again. Donald Trump became the most qualified man to lead the free world, both during hosting and producing the hit NBC reality show, The Apprentice, for 14 seasons, as well as his illustrious 25-years as the chair of various real estate development firms (of which only four declared bankruptcy!)

I don’t agree with Trump’s entire platform, he’s a little too moderate and populist for some of me or anyone else at my yacht. I will be voting for Trump because I couldn’t identify any other Republican Candidate if I tried. Is a Fiorina an Italian sports car or traditional pasta dish? Does Huckabee Bar and Grill offer half-priced appetizers? Do Bobby Jindal’s kids recognize him when he tucks them in at night?

To begin, Trump is walking this road alone. Unlike his republican peers he is not going to be a paid mouthpiece for corporate interests.

“I’m not using the lobbyists. I’m not using donors. I don’t care. I’m really rich.”

Many American’s feel that politicians on both sides of the aisle are just fed sugar coated positions and policies by their sponsors and donors. The polices and position Trump regularly takes are so poorly thought out, and wildly offensive, that we can be sure no corporation is paying to put words in Trump’s mouth — or if they are, they want a refund.

Armed with nothing but a grassroots base, an ability to draw media attention, and 4.4 Billion dollars in assets, Donald Trump, like David of Yore, stands tall against the Goliath of Big Government, Immigrants, and Unattractive women.

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As opposed to asking for handouts some sort of freedom-hating Nazi communist, Trump instead only asks that his supporters do the most American thing that they know how: buy overpriced things they don’t need with someone’s name on it. With a quick trip to Trump’s Campaign website my daily business-casual outfit of a ‘Female Body Inspector’ T-shirt, jorts, bolo tie and crocs has been finally completed with the purchase of a camouflage ball cap with the slogan ‘Make America Great Again’ proudly emblazed on the top, for the low, low price of $30 — not including shipping and handling.

I should probably go over what ‘Making America Great Again’ means before discussing how Donald Trump is going to do it.

“The fact is, the American Dream is dead –but if I win, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before,” Trump has said.

It’s no secret America is going to hell in a gender-neutral, fair trade, artisan, small batch hand-basket. Trump’s opponent, and Larry David cosplayer, Bernie Sanders admitted as much in a recent speech: “There is something profoundly wrong when 58 percent of all new income since the Wall Street crash has gone to the top one percent.”

Even a communist can recognize the problem of 32% of our wealth going to those who need it least. Under Trump, America will stop its downward spiral and will, like our national heroes — Rocky, The Terminator, and the McRib — come back.

‘Last time I checked the constitution, it read, “We the people …” not “We the corporations…”’

I consider this a glaring error in an otherwise perfect document. Corporations can’t vote in this country, and women can? Citizen’s United was a strong step in the right direction, but we can’t stop now.

“We need to lower the U.S. corporate tax rate from 39 percent to zero”… “We are the greatest country on planet earth–the world’s companies want to be here. Millions of jobs would materialize.”

Trump is the only candidate to recognize that the exportation of American Industry overseas and the financial crisis are all caused by the same thing: Government getting in the way of business.

Trump is going to greenhouse gasses. Namely all of the hot-air coming from the liberal media about ‘Climate Change’. Burn. Climate change is a myth, much like the tooth fairy, bigfoot, and the female orgasm, and no amount of data, studies, or the complete consensus of all scientists is going make me doubt my gut.

“Obama thinks the biggest threat in the world today is global warming. Okay, can you believe it? Then they change it to ‘climate change,’ cause the word ‘global warming’ wasn’t working. Then they change it to ‘extreme weather.’ You can’t get hurt with ‘extreme weather,’ do you agree? There’s always going to be – ‘There’s a tornado!’ ‘There’s a little cold!’ ‘There’s a wind!’ – there’s always extreme.”

Well said, Mr. Trump. Oh boo hoo! The 102,697 residents of the Republic of Kiribati are worried because their country is no more than three meters above sea level and the sea level is rising. The sea level rises and falls every 12 hours outside of my house and I don’t panic. It’s called the tide, Trump. Whenever I get a little chilly I put on a coat, ever think about some water wings, Kirabati?

In addition, Trump is a strong friend to all races, and more than happy to remind anyone of this fact.

“I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks,” said Trump, demonstrating his mastery of tact and discretion in a 2011 interview. But his finest hour of race relations had yet to come.

“When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”

See Jose, Trump believes that at least some of you people are good people! Return to eating tacos and listening to banda music with your mind at peace.

Trump is at his core a social justice warrior, fighting social justice wherever he sees it. Trump isn’t going to censor himself on any issue. Trump doesn’t know the meaning of the word PC, nice, insensitive, tactful, appropriate, defenestrate, or oligarchy. Trump does not own a dictionary.

“I think the big problem this country has is being politically correct. I don’t have time for total political correctness. And to be honest with you, this country doesn’t have time either. This country is in big trouble. We don’t win anymore. We lose to China. We lose to Mexico both in trade and at the border. We lose to everybody.”

Trump doesn’t only love minorities, he also loves women. Where as former republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney reduced the contributions of his female staff into an offhand comment about “binders full of women,” Trump sees every woman as her own beautiful, independent object.

“It’s certainly not groundbreaking news that the early victories by the women on ‘The Apprentice’ were, to a very large extent, dependent on their sex appeal.”

This isn’t just a one-way road ladies, The Donald (as he nicknamed himself in 2004) recognizes that his incredible sex appeal will swing voters his way.

“All of the women on ‘The Apprentice’ flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

When confronted at the first Republican primary debate about disparaging comments he made about fellow Republican candidate Carly Fiorina’s looks, Trump only had to take one look at her to call her beautiful. This proves the old adage that that true beauty doesn’t come from a pretty face or slim figure found on the outside, it comes from media pressure.

I strongly support Trump for his willingness to give his opinion on any topic regardless. Between the ObamaCare fiasco, and the deadlocked congress, and the government we need someone to make decisions without being paralyzed by “partisan politics” or “researching the topic at hand” or “reflecting on it.”

Trump has offered an extended analysis of the fourth amendment, as well as American futures in the Middle East.

“Hey, you believe this goddamn ISIS? Chopping people’s heads off, putting people in cages and drowning ’em. We gotta waterboard ’em, don’t you agree?,” said Trump in an interview with the Rolling Stone earlier this year.

“I would knock out the source of their wealth, the primary sources of their wealth, which is oil,” said Trump. “In order to do that, you would have to put boots on the ground. I would knock the hell out of them, but I’d put a ring around it and I’d take the oil for our country.”

Well, I for one can’t imagine a land invasion of a Middle Eastern country going over budget or time, especially with such an impressive exit strategy.

Honestly I could not think of another candidate. I’ve tried but I don’t even remember the names of the nobodies I used earlier in the article. I flipped through the TV to try to see who this Rand Paul guy is, or if Ben Carson has any ideas about how to fix America, but it’s just Trump — same thing with the newspaper and the internet.

Trump taught me to call it like I see it; so given that all I can see is Donald Trump, I’ve decided to call it now. TRUMP for our 47th and final president.



  1. Unfortunately, the Republican establishment, are not Tea Party Constitutionalists–but they are currently in control of Capitol Hill. The real Conservative branch are struggling to find a candidate for Speaker of the house. House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy has dropped his bid as being unsuccessful in achieving enough votes, seeing his adviser the prior Speaker John Boehner is finally retiring. A number of names have surfaced as potential successors to John Boehner and not another Professional class politician elected to Speaker of the House? Nor a Paul Ryan who is NOT a Constitutionalist, to any extent of the word. We need the People’s speaker of the House.

    Yesterday we saw the Democratic war lords crush a law that would end the scourge and impediment to federal ‘Sanctuary Cities’ even after the hue and cry of Kate Steinle, young women, murdered by an illegal alien in the Liberalized city of San Francisco. But this is just one citizen murdered by a foreign national who had not been deported. However their are many more crimes hidden from public view by the biased mainstream press.

    Democrats are still holding the high ground on illegal immigration as this administration has done little to stem the interlopers; draining our welfare services, stealing jobs that belong to US citizens and lawful immigrants. The Democrat Party zealots are ignoring our Constitution and with intent aiding and abetting the illegal invasion of our Country. Do millions of people know it is a violation of Title 8 Section 1324 United States Code “aiding, abetting, encouraging, harboring, transporting, and hiring illegal aliens is a felony.” Also Title 18 Section 611 US Code forbids non citizens from voting in our election. Citizens must be vigilant in any election, caucus and finally the general election. The Democrats will plead ignorance that illegal aliens don’t vote, but this coming presidential election is critical to America’s future that the authorities use every method available to stop this travesty to our Democracy. If non citizens vote in a close race, it would be a catastrophe to the election system.

    Under the regime of His Royal highness Barack Obama he has sold America down the road. IRAN stands out as a $150 Billion loadstone to a terrorist, religious, fanatical nation. Leaving the Jewish state to fend for itself, knowing the danger is real. Judicial Watch announced today that it has obtained records from the U.S. Department of the Air Force revealing that Barack Obama’s February and March 2015 travel for golf vacations and fundraisers totaled $4,436,245.50 in taxpayer-funded transportation expenses. Donald Trump needs nothing from the Federal Coffers; he doesn’t need a salary as President and what seems elusive to the Democrats is Trump is completely free from powerful donors, who buy votes from individual corrupt lawmakers. Judicial Watch writes The Obama administration insists the southern border is secure, yet dozens of illegal aliens from terrorist nations entered the United States through Mexico and are being held in a Texas Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) processing center.

    As I see ahead, with Donald Trump taking head-on multinational corporations that profits from taking workers jobs overseas and their installations as well such as Ford auto manufacturing, Nabisco mega companies; each entity will have to pay a 35 percent tariff on products, parts until America is presented with a balanced playing field, called true Fair Trade–not what exists now with Mexico, China and a host of other foreign countries. That’s just one terrific proposal that will regenerate 100s of billions of dollars for our country, instead of adding to our countries riches being procured to foreign nations. To supplement our national security to once again build a frontier wall; then towering above Russia and China’ s military, a United States armed forces to be proud of, not another Pentagon Decimation under Obama’s policies; then reinvesting in every Veteran full care, instead of being treated as a second class citizen, while illegal immigrants are catered too.

    Immigration laws will be once again strictly enforced and Trump will instruct Homeland Security and ICE to implement a port of entry/exit tracking system and the National MANDATORY E-VERIFY system. IT will serve as a deterrent against business owner who insist of using unauthorized labor. No more OPTIONAL hiring and company owners can go to prison, while illegal workers will be deported. Mechanisms against welfare and cheap labor will be stemmed the tide of Overstays’ who lie giving the impression to Customs and Immigration that they are just visitors. That under new immigrants classifications they must be (STEM) skilled workers and not cradle to grave welfare seekers.

  2. My commentaries have been rejected as I am an advocate for Donald Trump. By slight of hand, the editorial staff or webmasters have excluded me, as I give recommendations of why my vote is going to Donald Trump. These media outlets are obviously in line with the GOP establishment and Democrats, as my free speech doesn’t fit into their agendas? I was aware eventually some of the mainstream press as Los Angeles Times would claim such a reason that my narratives are Spam? Here is a list of media outlets who have closed me off from informing the people of what Donald Trump stands against. I must have stirred some annoyance with such web digital papers as:

    1. American Thinker. 2. Business Insider. 3. Hollywood Reporter 4.; 7 ABC 7 News. The only URL’s that I have ever cited, is some non profit, grassroots organizations as Judicial Watch, whose attorneys author the ‘Corruption Chronicles’ about the wrongdoings at the three levels of government; NumberUSA, an organization to lower Immigration; California for Population Stabilization (CAPS) a group to halt illegal alien invasion; The Tea whose numerous eyes watch the unconstitutional policies of this President.

    I don’t see these non profits as SPAM, or any reason to be banned, as I only write about Democratic and Republican dangers such as not halting the illegal alien invasion, Obamacare, and a ever rising federal budget. I am a pariah to their causes, as I am an Independent voter, a Constitutionalist and don’t vote for pretty faces, but individual issues that supposedly betters my life, my family; as one voter of the American population. They have a right to eliminate me from commenting on different political subjects as its their propriety rights, but FREE SPEECH according Article 19 (1948) is its my right, even though they have removed my account. I will not be silenced.

    In my field of friends, neighbors and my previous colleagues in the military, nothing will distract me from voting for Donald Trump. We have a chance, but ONLY this one chance to vote for a businessman, an outsider who will fight the internal never ending corruption within the walls of Congress, et all Washington. I am here to protect American families and all American who cam here legally. Your origin doesn’t matter, where you are from or the color of your skin; if you came here legally then you are with–ME! Black Americans have suffered on the lowest rung, Our society should not discriminate against anybody as long has they entered this country legally, as according to our laws.

    America should not be shielded from the fact that both parties are corrupt and Donald Trump must be the voice of the people. Trump an Outsider that thumbs his nose, against the Special Interests, who doesn’t have the boding evil burden of Hillary Clinton and her weighted troubles with the FBI and her innocuous servers. Every honest, free thinking America must keep his eye on the price? There is collusion on many issues including illegal aliens, but foremost that the Hierarchy in the GOP are saying they are declaring war on Trump. So we must function as one people to stop any serious irregularities in the primaries that unknown entities may be looking for a way to rig elections, to stop Trump from being nominated. After all he is a serious threat to big businesses profits; foreign countries piece of the US wealthy pie and the unconstitutionality hit men.

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