Bloodhound Gang tries too hard, yet not hard enough

I’ll just come out and admit it. I love the Bloodhound Gang. “Hooray for Boobies” and “One Fierce Beer Coaster” are great, and “The Ballad of Chasey Lain” was inspirational. I was addicted to “Hold Your Head Up High” for months.

That having been said, the band’s new album, “Hefty Fine,” sucks.

The new CD disappoints more than that band Vanilla Ice joined after he was done with rap. The album has 12 tracks, which boils down to nine tracks when you discount the three tracks that are 10-second long “skits,” including “Strictly for the Tardcore,” which consists entirely of singer Jimmy Pop saying “Eminem’s gotta cuss in his raps to sell records. Well, me too, so f–k Will Smith.” Why is that even on the album? Furthermore, why was it given its own track, and not just added as a lead-in to a song?

The Gang’s hit single, “Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo” (think about it for a second, it took me a while to figure out, too), is catchier than a centerfielder, and is getting plenty of radio time. The team also hit a home run with a song that’s as good, or better than, any of its classics – “Pennsylvania,” which is about the gang’s home state. Pop said he was aiming to write a new official song for the Keystone state. But, the Gang may want to take out the line “We are the queef after/a porn star breaks the gangbang record” before making its presentation to the state legislature.

Beyond that, there’s nothing worthwhile. The lead song, “Balls Out,” is listenable, but it’s only mediocre. “I’m the Least You Could Do” is slightly above average but nothing special, and may contain the group’s biggest stretch for a euphemism for sex in “crotchless jihad.” The band then moves to “Farting With a Walkman On,” which sounds appealing to the 13-year-old in me, but alas, it sucks, too.

“Diarrhea Runs in the Family” is a 23-second track of a man sitting on the toilet expelling diarrhea, which is the Gang trying too hard to be offensive. The group then has an average track in “Ralph Wiggum,” which sounds a lot like “Pennsylvania” but not as good. “Something Diabolical” could be the worst song they’ve ever released, and “Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss,” is possibly an attempt to just work the Bloodhound Gang’s techno sound into the album. They then end the album on a weak note, with “No Hard Feelings,” a song which begins with the lyrics “Ain’t my job to f–k you on your birthday.”

I’m extremely disappointed in the Gang. This album feels like they made it simply because they haven’t put anything out in a while. Hopefully they will never put out another record again, and keep from further tainting their legacy.

congratulations from UPD to UAA graduates
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