Evan Dodd

Orange Rhymes With Columnist

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Stories By Evan Dodd

An ode to my fallen car

Once upon a time there was a baby-faced, poorly dressed high school boy who got his first car, and it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. It was a black-ish plastic Kia that gave off the distinct impression that it had been assembled in a hurry out of whatever parts happened to be […]

Moving pains of a starting semester

A well-meaning column rife with clunky metaphors and horrible advice, Orange Rhymes With is the go-to place to break the monotony of classes and laugh at someone else’s misfortune.

Filling the Freezer

There exists a foolproof loophole in the standard of journalistic integrity that this column generally tries to live up to; fishing stories. The beauty of a fishing story is that everyone wants to believe it so badly, that not only will spectators ignore the various inconsistencies, but will even go as far as to heckle […]

ORW: The recreational vehicle incident

As a general rule, I try to find an upside in everything. I may not be happy about it, I may view it through a cynical perspective, but I do at least try to find the bright side of things. Sometimes there is no upside. This is the story of the incident. It began with […]

Professional team building and other nonsense

There’s nothing worse than an obnoxious coworker. See, if it were an awful family member, then the most you have to interact with them is once or twice a year at a reunion. Worst case scenario, they have one too many drinks and start asking you incredibly awkward questions about your relationship and career goals. […]

Employment and Everything After

So my never-ending quest to find employment has finally ended, and my status as a mangy, unemployed hobo has finally been revoked. Well I mean, I’m still living on a couch and “mangy” is probably the most apt word for whatever my beard is doing these days, but at least someone is paying me real […]

Life on the couch

As we enter the second installment of my life as a transient hobo, things have begun to get weird. Though I’ve been bouncing around between Anchorage, Wasilla and, quite frequently, my tent, I’ve been spending a good bit of time at my girlfriend’s apartment. While this is fantastic and really gracious of the people who […]

On the road (sort of)

My summer began the way all of my summers have started for the past three years: waking up an hour before the UAA housing checkout deadline and frantically throwing all of my belongings in less-than-sturdy boxes. The only difference this time is that I wouldn’t be heading home in my frighteningly over-packed Kia. For reasons […]

Final Thoughts

Well, it looks like this is it. As I gaze out my window I see an odd cycle of students packing their belongings into cars and throwing trash on the ground, as workers in yellow vests pick up trash while trying to avoid getting hit by frenzied students packing their belongings into cars. There’s probably […]

ORW: Victory lap

Before we start, let me just say that my wallet seems to have gone missing and I’ll gladly reward its safe return with small unmarked bills and non-sexual favors. Just getting that out there. Moving on. It’s been one hell of a year we’ve had here. We’ve seen everything from a crazed guy dance-punching his […]

The last hurrah before the end

I’m a master of procrastination. I’ve somehow justified not cleaning my room for the past two weeks by the fact that I’m moving out soon anyway, and all of my coursework is routinely delegated to Future-Me as a matter of convenience. I actually sat down to write this column and somehow accidentally created a quasi-inspirational […]

Looking Ahead to Summer

Some weeks are created better than others. Sometimes life decides to run at you, screaming and flailing like a bad Jackie Chan impersonator and junk-punches you into oblivion. It’s been one of those weeks when enough has gone wrong that I just had to laugh when a passing car hit a puddle and soaked me […]

ORW: The turducken incident II: Turducken harder

Remember when you were a child and your mom guilt-tripped you into eating bad food because “there are starving children in Africa”? That gambit always seemed to work despite the inherent logistical challenges behind shipping the limp broccoli from your plate to needy children on the other side of the globe. The monstrosity that we […]

The turducken incident, humor with a purpose

Not all of these columns are created equal. Some are written because I’ve had a questionable experience that needs to be published, some because of a holiday or shared event that needs scathing commentary. And some are just written because I have a deadline looming and need the extra spending money. (Let’s not dance around […]

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