George cannot sleep.
No, I’m serious. I’m taking advantage of the fact that he’s up at 3:30 in the morning unable to sleep in order to have him translate this into writing. But the holiday break has done something terrible to my host.
He’s been sleeping later. Over the break, he’s become something of a nocturnal animal, forgoing the morning entirely to wake up at noon (or later) and go to bed early the next day.
He’s grown heavier as well. He’s already quite heavy as it is, and I know that the holidays are hard on some humans’ calorie intakes, but the man cannot take care of himself in the slightest — over the holidays, at least.
I’m happy that he was able to spend time with his family, but he needs this semester to start already. I need this semester to start already, for his sake and mine.
First, though, we need some preparations. And it wouldn’t be a Slug article if I didn’t give some tips to make your race less moronic.
As I mentioned before, I’ve been trying to get George on a better collegiate sleep schedule (and I’m probably not helping by forcing him to type at the moment). It’s going to be very tempting for him to sleep in until the semester starts. But I’m not going to let him (or you) make that mistake.
So start setting your alarm clocks as soon as possible so you can get used to the sleep schedule you need for your college classes. Poor sleep habits are going to have a huge negative impact on your grades, and you don’t want them to start poorly. First impressions are always important, after all.
Next, get your books and syllabi sorted out. If you’re smart (and George is anything but, of course), you will have checked up on this stuff earlier in the break. Campus is open at the time of writing, but remember that the Bookstore won’t always have what you need. Amazon is your friend.
After that, use any time you have left to walk around campus and learn the locations of your classes. It’ll always help to learn in advance.
Sadly, this article isn’t getting published until after classes begin, so I should be giving some tips regarding what to do at this stage.
As I said before, know the way to your classes. If you’re reading this and still have no idea where your classes are, drop this paper and find them immediately.
(Note to my editors and employers: I swear this is the last time I will use the phrase “drop this paper” in an article. Please don’t do anything rash.)
While I’m on the subject of initiative, you should be hydrated for your classes as well. George wrote an in-depth article on where to find free water on campus, but I’ll cut to the chase: the best spots are the Natural Science Building’s Brita station, the water fountains in the Administration Building, the Cuddy Cafeteria and the Student Union’s Subway. Keeping yourself hydrated will help your focus, which is especially important at this early stage in the semester.
And as for food, don’t subsist on the Information Desk snacks like George does when he’s strapped for cash. Find healthier alternatives. The Fireside Cafe (in the middle of that ConocoPhillips-Admin-Arts triad of buildings) serves up some nice paninis and soup, and again, the Cuddy Cafeteria and Subway are safe bets for delicious and (somewhat) healthy eating. Like water, food is equally important and helps with focus. Just learn from George’s example to take it in moderation.
So that’s sleep, books, directions and dining. With these four elements of power, your hero’s journey to the end of the semester should be easy. Well, easier than it would be without those elements.
So maintain your focus, and buckle your seatbelts. This semester could be bumpy. And on your way to your first few classes, never forget:
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. EMBRACE THE SEAWOLF SLUG.